Addie's Story

This is my sweet friend Addie Mietus. We met at our adoption classes about 11 years ago. Instantly we had a connection through our heartache of infertility. I was so desperate for someone who could relate to what I was going through at that time in my life. Addie was a answere to my prayer and has continued to be an amazing support to me for the past 11 years. There are many others we have met along the way and have had wonderful, deep relationships with as we have gone through the journey of infertility and adoption. It is never fun to feel alone. If you or someone you know is searching for love and support as they are going through their own journey of infertility or adoption please contact me at kim.jon@hotmail.com. Addie and I want to put together a support group and it is going to be AWESOME!!!

 

I AM BACK!!!!

Okay girls, I have to say I am so sorry that I have neglected this blog for so long. After Lia came along my life seemed so perfect and I was consumed with how happy I was to have three amazing kids. I didn't think I had much to offer this blog anymore. What makes me so happy is to see that there are many of you that have still felt the need to share and receive. Because of some things I have gone trough recently I feel a strong desire to connect with all of you again and seek out and find any others who may be going through the difficult trial of starting or adding to their family. I have come to know that no matter the situation infertility is a on going trial and a trial that we may always face. What I also know is that we can find peace as we strive to move forward in our desire to start or add to our families. It is a frustrating and heart breaking process but in the end we can reach our goal of having a family one way or another. My husband and I have sacrificed EVERYTHING we can to have a family and it has paid off for us. It has not happened in the time frame or in the way we thought, and it has NOT been easy!!!! But three amazing miracles found their way to our home because we were willing to do what ever it took. So what I am trying to say is don't give up, even if it feels like more than you can bare hold on a little longer. Your miracle will come!

I am so excited to get this thing going again and to hear from all of you. Please spread the word and check back for some changes that will be comming in the next couple of months. I really want to re vamp this blog and make it even better. Thanks to all of you for your continued support.

All my Love, Kim

Finally

Lucas Clark Orval Avery

After 13 1/2 years of trying to have a family, my hubby and I were blessed on 8/28/12 with the birth of our son. I want to thank all of the ladies on this blog. They helped me become stronger and not feel like I was the only one going through infertility problems. I talk openly about my situation and feel that my experience has given other in my shoes the strength to endure it themselves. I would have never done this without this sanctuary.

 I have a huge testimony that Heavenly Father does answer prayers, just not on our time. I am so grateful for the experience I gained from this trial and feel that I am a totally better person for it.

Thanks again.
Stephanie Avery

The end and the beginning....

The end of our adoption journey looked like this:

A tiny baby boy born June 3rd. 

A TOTAL surprise, we read about his situation the morning of June 8th, found out we'd been chosen by the birth-mother that night, left June 9th to travel the 10+ hours it would take us to get to him, met his birth-family that night, his birth-mother signed relinquishment on the 10th (when we first got to see him), ICPC came through the 12th, and we left to bring him home on the 19th when he'd hit the 4 lb mark and was eating all of his food from the bottle and not the NG tube.

He was very healthy to begin with (the NICU nurses called him a "feeder-gainer") and has grown like crazy.  He now weighs what our daughter weighed when she was born (just over 7 lbs) and he's progressing just like any other 2 month old - except in weight and height.

We feel so very blessed to be at the beginning of another adventure!

My love and thanks to ALL of you for your love, encouragement and support over the years.  It has truly been so wonderful to come here and know that I was never alone in my infertility.  I pray that all of you will find the endings (and or beginnings) you are hoping for!

Hello? Anyone here anymore?

I can't believe that I was the last one to post on here. I guess everyone has moved on to greener pastures, eh? Maybe there isn't a real need for this blog anymore, but I wanted to share some feelings to see if anyone out there has experienced anything similar.

So just to catch you up, things between us and our daughter's birth-mom are back to normal. Tender mercies from heaven were involved when we finally met her little boy (our failed placement) and we knew he wasn't meant to be in our family. From there it was a matter of forgiveness... which was easier with her (than with her parents) because we have some understanding of how difficult it was for her to place Mimi with us. The full story has come out over the past year and a half, and even things with her family are getting back to normal. Not that there is complete trust anymore, but it is a relief that we can interact and still love each other.

The past few weeks have been grueling for the hubby and I. We finally decided on one last push to find another baby for our family. We branched out and put our profile up on Parent Profiles, printed up pass-along cards and began handing them out to friends and families, printed up brochures to go along with the pass-along cards and began giving them out to lawyers, have checked into private adoption agencies and tried to sell my hubby's beloved truck to get the money for a private adoption- all in hopes of bringing home the baby boy I keep dreaming about. We decided we'd do all we possibly could for one more year (after our home-study expires this summer) and then...we'll be done. We'll let our home-study expire and take our names out of the "hoping to adopt" pool.

And I have mixed emotions about it.

We were hoping to have another baby before Mimi turned four because we didn't really want to raise our children as singles - too far apart to fight and bicker and someday (hopefully) be good friends when they grew up. The hubby told me the other day that it breaks his heart to walk past Mimi's room and hear her playing all by herself. She doesn't seem to mind too much, but coming from big families where our mothers had all of us fairly close together, this worries us. She will turn six this fall. She will be so much older than any baby we get now that we worry about them bonding and having the kind of relationships that we have with our siblings. We've come to the conclusion that if she is our only child that we are going to try to give her some amazing opportunities and at the same time work at not spoiling her ridiculously. We've already been so blessed to do things together that we never could have done had we gotten another baby, so we know we are incredibly blessed. And if she is our only child I will consider myself lucky to have had a relatively easy baby period of no blown out diapers, rare middle of the night feedings and 6 hours of solid sleep every night until she was about 6 weeks old when it changed to 8. Even now she is an easy-going little girl with such a friendly personality, no fear of riding roller coasters and a helpful disposition. (I know, I'm probably in for it when she hits her teenage years! LOL!)

We've been so lucky and so very blessed.

We just thought there would be at least two children in our family.

But having just turned the corner on 36 and moving fast toward 37 I am seeing wrinkles and fat deposits and health concerns suddenly flying at me at light speed and both the hubby and I are thinking that starting over again at 39-40 isn't a great idea for us. We want to be young enough to enjoy our kids without having them have to push us around in wheelchairs, you know? ;)

Some people have said that we're putting a time limit on Heavenly Father. And I respond with, "How did you know you were done having kids? Don't we deserve the same opportunity to choose when our family will be complete?" Most "fertiles" have no idea what its like in the hellish waiting-for-another-baby limbo and just think we're being selfish.

*sigh*

I guess that along with being branded "Infertile" we'll also take "Misunderstood" and "Judged" from some of our closest friends and family. Sad, but true.

Have any of you been in this position? What did you decide to do?

*sigh*

Oh the drama.

On the Friday before Labor Day we sent out an email to our family members asking for them to fast and pray for us on Sunday since it was the final Fast Sunday before Erica was due.  We included our birthmom Erica's parents in the email.

After our family barbecue Monday night I came home and checked email, logged onto Facebook and there right in front of my eyes were photos posted by Erica of "baby K".  To say I was blindsided would have been a complete understatement.

I was guessing that she'd had the baby earlier that day, so I called her parents (remember that they are some of our closest friends since before our daughter was ever born) to get more info.

Erica's dad's response when I told him I knew?  "Yeah, she had the baby Thursday.  We were wondering when you'd find out."  SAY WHAT?

They knew that Erica had been avoiding us for months and that she wouldn't call us to let us know.  We'd sent out that email on FRIDAY asking them to join in our fast.  Heck, we'd even been texting back and forth with them on the night the baby was born, and they didn't say ONE WORD????  My heart just hurt so bad because I felt absolutely betrayed by them.  I mean, yes, it was Erica's responsibility to call us, but they absolutely knew she wouldn't call, and they couldn't just say, 'Erica had the baby, and we're trying to get her to call you'?

And yes, we already knew she was planning to keep the baby, so even though that hurts too, it really doesn't compare to the hurt we feel about her parents.  Logically, I know that they are, after all, HER parents, but with our relationship, I expected a little bit better treatment from them.  I called my mom and just sobbed for about 45 minutes straight about how hurt I was about finding out that way.

Erica called us the next morning to finally tell us what she should've told us months ago, and while I didn't talk to her, my wonderful hubby made sure that she was the one who said the words- he didn't fill in any of the blanks to make it easier for her.  (But for goodness sake, girl!  You're going to PARENT this child!  Put on your big girl panties and call the people you've led on for the past 4 months!)  He's so good with dealing with drama and he was clear about our feelings and the new boundaries we had to set in order to protect our daughter.  The unbelievable thing was that she was mad that I'd called her parents instead of her after seeing the photos on Facebook, and that's only because they called her and ripped her a new one for not calling to tell us.  It helped ease my hurt a little knowing that they'd called her, but I still don't know how to even talk to them about it yet.

So messed up.

The outpouring of love and support from our family members and friends has been absolutely amazing, and so far, we are hanging in there and trying to figure out what to do next.

Adoption, anyone?

My friend contacted me the other day about a private adoption agency here in Utah that is looking for adoptive families.  I called them and spoke to someone named Dave who was super-nice and very helpful.  He mentioned that right now they are looking for adoptive couples because they have several birth-moms who haven't found the right families for their babies yet.  Right now they have 10 african american birth-mothers (one of whom just placed her baby yesterday) two are due in the next two weeks and the remaining 7 are due in the next two months.  The agency itself seems great (I googled them and only found one dispute with them from an out-of-state birth-father who wanted custody.), but since it is a private agency, the costs are significantly higher than LDS Family.  Dave said that they are on par with the national average of between $25K to $40K.  He also mentioned that they have on average about 110 placements a year and right now they only have about 40 couples in their system which means that their wait times tend to be significantly shorter than LDS Family's and range anywhere from around 2 weeks to 2 years.  The name of the agency is The Adoption Center of Choice and can be found here.  The phone number for adoptive parents is 801-224-2440.  I don't know if they will place with adoptive couples outside of Utah, so you might want to check if you decide to call.

As for us, the latest that we hear through the grapevine is that our birthmom will be coming to Utah either right before the baby is born or right afterward so that she can buy all the baby stuff here and haul it back to Illinois with her.  Bless her parents for being perceptive in knowing that she mainly wants to show the baby to her friends back here (her parents are more than ticked off at her), they told her that she could probably order most, if not all of it by mail, and that there was no reason to come.  We, of course, hear nothing about it from her, even though we've talked to her several times.

And yet with loads of prayers and fasting, we've managed to find peace with the situation.  We still hope she decides to place him, but if not, we know that Heavenly Father is in charge and knows what is best for our family...whatever that may be.

Don't know what to think

Well, with the military being so accommodating (not joking), it looks as if she will be keeping the baby.  She's cut off all communication with us, but is still talking to her parents.  They tell us a little, but I know its hard for them to be between their friends and their daughter.

I love her and I understand her desire to keep this baby, but I wish that she hadn't asked us to adopt this one before exploring all of her options.  A part of me is just so down, even though her parents think that there may still be a tiny sliver of a chance that she might place.

We're just continuing to move forward finishing our adoption paperwork and putting faith in the scripture that says that "all things will work together for your good".

Hope all is well with the rest of you!

No news

Nothing really to report.  As per usual, we aren't hearing much from our birthmom, and when we do hear from her, she hasn't mentioned anything about the baby.  We honestly don't know if this is good or bad.

We sent off another email to our caseworker yesterday asking her for some updates, so we'll probably hear back from her in the next week.

We also came across another potential issue: The Sailors and Soldiers Act.  The birthfather is on inactive duty in the military and that requires us to follow some additional rules... Still checking on all of that with LDS Family lawyers.

I'll let you know more when I do.

Thanks for all of the prayers!

More information

Okay, so here's the skinny:

Mimi's adoption was one of those that was "super-open", but her birth-mom moved to Illinois this past summer when she joined the military.   Due to the nature of the adoption, we've always had a good relationship with her and her family.   Anyway, she called us Wednesday after her ultrasound and asked my hubby if we would adopt this one too and of course he said yes, but there are some pretty big complications, the biggest of which is the fact that Illinois adoption law is so different from Utah law.  The other complication is from the birth-father who seems openly hostile toward the LDS faith in general and adoption in particular.  We are worried about it even happening and trying desperately to not get our hopes up.

Tamara, if you don't mind me asking, you said that placement was a "can of worms".  Mind if I ask you to share your experience?  We are super concerned about placement (if she ends up having the baby there) mostly because of the birth-father's hostility.  Although, the Illinois case-worker seems to think that with him living here in Utah, it would be better for her to give birth far away from him.  But our caseworker gave us the info on relinquishment of parental rights in Illinois, and now I'm worried because if she does give birth there, and he does NOTHING, he has 30 days following the baby's birth to make a claim, AND the agency has to provide proof that he was notified of the adoption plan.  Utah Law seems better because its 24 hours (or is it 48 now?) following the birth of the baby and his rights are terminated if he hasn't signed the birth-father registry (and you don't have to tell him about the adoption plan).

**Sigh**

I think I just need to calm down and wait for things to unfold a step at a time...

Lots of impossible stuff...

Gave a talk on Mother's day in my ward.  Lots of quotes from Sheri Dew and if anyone wants to read it, its located here.  It is kinda long, though.

Anywho, if you do actually click on over, please be careful what you post as what I'm about to say is still pretty confidential, and I don't want my family and friends freaking out because I didn't tell them...

Erica (my daughter's birth-mom) called Monday night.  She found out on Mother's Day that she is pregnant, but her fiance broke up with her about a month ago.  She is FIVE months pregnant, and still unsure about what she's going to do.  She's in the Navy right now, going through school (in Chicago at the Great Lakes Naval Training Center) for her specialty.  She isn't going to get kicked out for being pregnant, and it kind of sounded like she's thinking about parenting, although she did tell her mom (I talked to her yesterday) that she thought we would only be interested in adopting her baby if it is a boy. (Which isn't the least bit true.)

But I need some help here.  Have any of you had birth-mothers that lived out-of-state?  How did you handle the distance in the relationship?  Any ideas would be helpful!  I hope you all are doing well!

hey ladies.

just wanted to update.. it's been a week.

had my 2nd beta and it was exactly 150.. so dr. f thinks maybe 2?? ah.

i had another one drawn this past monday and it was 771 so it's still rising appropriately and we'll now just wait for heartbeat(s) at the end of may. thanks for all the well wishes, but we still have so FAR to go before we quit worrying. but once again, dr. f is AMAZING. 2 for 2.

ash

.ivf #4.

hey ladies...

not sure who still reads this, but we did start the adoption process while we were pursuing our 4th ivf (2nd with SIRM). i'm happy to report that our first beta at 7dp5dt or 11 dpo was 52. we are pretty excited but still VERY aware that this could end up like last time. last cycle my first beta was 5, so 52 is a significant improvement and dr. f said if it's over 150 tomorrow that we may be having 2 :) we'll see tomorrow. hope you are all doing well.

oh, and we have 4 frosties! crazy how a different dr can improve the outcome so much!

.let's talk about adoption.

hey ladies. it's me again. i really need your help now. i'm not sure if any of you know, but i actually miscarried last week...i know, ugh. and my dr. doesn't feel like we'll get much better results with another ivf... i think we'll still do one more in vegas cause we paid for it, but we are FOR SURE beginning the adoption process. and as i have prayed about adoption...i haven't felt peaceful about starting it, until this past sunday. my husband and i now KNOW that heavenly father is preparing the way for a baby to come to us and we want to listen. i'm almost sure we'll be using LDSFS so any ladies that have tips and info about how to make this smooth. i have requested the info packet and will attend the orientation in april...but are there other things i can be doing with our house, or with the profiles, etc?? we're SO excited... i finally feel normal again...and not so broken?

love you all.

.2nd beta.

so the results of the "real" 2nd beta is 26. i guess i really am pregnant. thanks for all the support ladies. but don't worry, i will never forget the heartache and can always be a listening ear. good luck everyone with everything you're doing..keep us updated.

ashley