Quick Update

So after a LOT of calculations, prayer, deliberation, aggravation, frustration, and worry, we have decided to go ahead with in vitro this month! Wahoo!

We have our Lupron class on Thursday, then we begin injections next Sunday. I am so excited! Isn't it funny how you can pour your heart out in prayer, begging for an answer, and worrying that you haven't received one yet...until all of a sudden you do? We really couldn't decide if it was smart to do it this month. With the bills for my surgery rolling in, plus our insurance deductible increasing to $8,000, on top of the $13,000 IVF with ICSI will cost, we were worried that we just couldn't swing it. Plus Brian has been worried about the security of his job given that his employer is a general contractor, and the construction industry is pretty crappy right now. Is it smart to spend all this money if he's going to be out of a job in a few months?

I have been so frustrated, often resorting to thoughts that idiotic 16-year-old girls don't have to spend thousand of dollars to get pregnant, so why do I? Isn't wanting a family a righteous desire?

I have no idea how we did it, but last month, without really trying, we saved $3,000 more than we normally do. Then Brian spoke to his boss, who reassured him that the company is doing fine, and even if it was struggling, Brian would be one of the last people they'd ever think of laying off. That was what we needed! Our prayers were finally answered. For me, it reaffirmed my testimony that the Lord really knows our hearts individually and will help us find a way to overcome our trials and accomplish our goals. I know we're still far from our goal of a family, but this was a critical step. Now, onward...

.prolactin.

hey everyone..
i had my CD 3 blood work done yesterday and everything is normal except my prolactin level was 28.4. i believe the normal range for this hormone is less than 26.

i am going back this week to get it re-drawn just to make sure it's accurately high.

anyone had experience with elevated prolactin??

ash

Here We Go (Probably, Maybe, Hopefully)

So I went in today for my post-op follow-up appointment. I just thought our doctor would check out my nicely healing incisions and send me on my merry way. But apparently things looked good enough that he sent me to the nurses to set up our in vitro schedule.

Wait a minute, I thought. We were supposed to wait until June or even July! But I guess the combination of my quick healing, the long (6+ weeks) process of in vitro, and the medicine I've been on since a week before the surgery that allows us to transition straight to in vitro without wretched birth control pills, means we can actually get started the week after Easter. That's less than 3 weeks away!

I know it seems crazy, but I had just resigned myself to waiting until summer. Now all of a sudden it's here again. It seems so fast! We're not 100% sure we're going to start in April (surgery bills + huge deductible + crazy expensive non-insurance-covered IVF=hemorrhaging money), but the possibility is there. I am really excited, scared, nervous, and almost afraid to hope--afraid to hope that we'll actually get to to do it, that the process will go smoothly, and that I'll actually get pregnant. Infertility is such a dang rollercoaster, but at least I might have the chance to get off it!

The end of the beginning

So I'm hoping that I'm safe posting again after my hiatus (due to the fracas with people linking through my blog), because I need to share.

We went in two months ago to start up clomid and IUIs again, and at the 14 day point, the RE checked my lining and follicles and didn't like what he saw.  So we scrapped that cycle and decided to try a different drug, Femara.  Long story short, we did the Femara, I had one good follicle and we did an HCG trigger shot along with an IUI.

Today was the big pregnancy test day and so, naturally I spent all of yesterday worrying about it.  Can I just say how much I hate taking pregnancy tests?  Nothing, and I mean NOTHING can get me more worked up than having to go and buy these stupid pee sticks, only to worry about whether it's going to be positive or negative and then thinking about all the worries or the relief I'll feel about either result.  UGH!  I swear my head would just start spinning and fly right off my shoulders if it could!

So after having nightmares about positive results and negative results, I just dragged my butt out of bed and took the test.  And the result?

We are now officially $700 poorer with nothing but information to show for it.

*Sigh*

I know the success rate peaks out at six months of drug therapy + IUIs, but I'm not sure my head (or my heart) can take 5 more months of pre-test freak-outs.

.questions.

hey girls.

i just had my first appt with my re and i'm very happy with how things went. we have a game plan and that's exactly what we need. he feels that my cycles are a little irregular (short luteal phase) even though i ovulate every month. i will be going in to have my CD 3 labs drawn because my OB/GYN never did those. We also may do the Kruger's strict morphology for my hubby if my labs are normal.

i just have a few questions about costs.

first, how much are all the labs and how much is the krugers test? i'm sure the costs are minimal, but just want to be aware before we go in. any help would be appreciated.

ash

Hilarious

Ok, I thought this was way too funny not to share:

Info for the Uninsured

This information has been shared on a website I visit so I just wanted to pass it along for those who are also out of pocket for IVF.

Fertility Lifelines has a specific program called “Compassionate Care”. This program is through the Serono drug company (makers of Gonal-F, Ovidrel etc). If you qualify for their program you can get a portion of your IVF cycle drugs for one cycle for free. Before applying for this program you will want to make sure that your RE would be willing to put you on a protocoll with their meds.

When you call ask for their compassionate care program and they will do a pre-screening before they send you an application. You will have to send them your tax 1040’s, the last 2 pay stubs from your household, and have your insurance card handy because they will call to verify that you have no insurance coverage. If you are accepted into their program they will send the drugs directly to your RE.

(I’ve heard through the grapevine that they accept about 75% of those that apply. There is an income cutoff which they don’t advertise. I’ve asked around if anyone knew what it was and was told they can't say specifically because it's different for everyone depending on where you live. Someone mentioned an adjusted gross income less than 100K but I can't verify the truth of that.)

the number is:
1-866-538-7879
(1-866-LETS-TRY)

I’ll be sending in an application as soon as we get our taxes done this year. A couple of ladies on another board I visit have been able to get free med’s for a cycle, which has been a big help. I don't know if we'll qualify or not, but it's worth a try. I'm crossing my fingers :)

Who is this guy?

Thought you would like this inspirational story that will be shared on "Music and The Spoken Word" this weekend. 

"Henry J. Kaiser was a PROBLEM SOLVER. Born to a German shoemaker in upstate New York, he eventually became the father of American shipbuilding. Along the way, he learned to see a problem not as a roadblock but as a chance to learn something or to create a new way of doing things.

"PROBLEMS," he said, "ARE ONLY OPPORTUNITIES IN WORK CLOTHES."

Henry Kaiser had an opportunity to demonstrate the truth of this saying early in his career when the construction company he was working for unexpectedly went out of business. Where other would see only a problem, Henry saw an opportunity-he decided to take on one of his former company's unfulfilled contracts himself. He finished the project ahead of schedule, and before long the Henry J. Kaiser Company was born.

From there he created companies that paved roads, manufactured steel, and built houses. Throughout these many ventures, Henry J. Kaiser continued to see in every challenge a chance to move forward and find a better way.

LIFE IS FULL OF PROBLEMS. Opposition is not only unavoidable, it is essential. Without opposition, without problems, big and small to test or resolve and stimulate our thinking, we would accomplish very little. Muscles do not grow without resistance, and neither do people.

Men and women often do their best when faced with what seems at first to be an overwhelming problem. So much good, so many great discoveries and new ideas have come from efforts to overcome problems that stood in the way of worthy goals.

No one likes a problem, but the day may come when we can recognize it as a blessing in disguise. No matter how frightening it seems, if we strip away the mask of trouble, we will find the smiling face of opportunity."

To read the rest of the story visit: http://musicandthespokenword.com/messages/

Hello

Hi everyone,

I've been lurking a little bit and thought I would finally post. My name is Greta, and my husband and I have been married for 4 years. After about a year of trying, we found out that it was impossible for us to have children the natural way. In a way, in the world of infertility, it could be seen as a good thing, because at least we know for certain that there are no feritility treatments that will ever be able to help us. In other way, it's devastating, because there will never be any hope of it. I wish there was a treatment we could try. But, at the same time, there are no treatments we can try--so it definitely narrows it down!

We started the adoption process last fall, and we are looking and waiting for our child. The process to come to the decision to adopt was a long one. I thought I would post because I still feel worried about it sometimes and have feelings of doubt. Sometimes I wonder if we were really meant to have children. But, then, sometimes I can't imagine a life without providing a loving home for a child. I think all of those feelings are natural. I think everyone haves them, even if they don't have any trouble having kids. It's so hard to know what to do when you are faced with infertility, and it compounds those uncertain feelings, I think. But, I try not to worry too much, and to know that the Lord will guide us, and He will let us know if there is something we should or shouldn't do. But, it's really hard sometimes. These decisions certainly aren't easy.

Well, anyway, I would be interested to hear about any adoption experiences! It's been nice to read your posts.

Introduction

Hi ladies! Thanks for letting me join the blog. I 'll start by introducing myself. I am Katy and I am 25. We live in Southeast Idaho. I have been married 6 years and we have a wonderful four year old daughter. We had no trouble getting pregnant with our daughter and we also got pregnant with a second after only 6 months of trying. Unfortunately that pregnancy ended in miscarriage at the beginning of our 2nd trimester. We have now been trying 3 years, we have our adoption papers in and are trying different fertility treatments. The doctors say everything is working and we should be getting pregnant but I am guessing the Lord has other plans. We recently tried a natural IUI cycle and it didn't work. We are going in for more blood tests and discuss our options next week. I get so tired of this emotional roller coaster. I have a really hard time watching my daughter grow up with no siblings. I also get tired of all the well meaning comments or advice. It just discourages me. I have a question to all those that have adopted or considered adoption... Did you ever go back and forth on your decision?
Sometimes I feel strongly that we are supposed to adopt and then I get scared and then I am not sure that that is what we are supposed to do. Then I will get strong feelings towards trying different fertility treatments and I just get confused when they don't work. I don't know if this is making any sense but if any of you have any insight I would sure appreciate it!

Anyway that is me!

Cautious

Have any of you started down the infertility path but been unwilling to tell family members or friends about it?  When we did treatments seven years ago we told most of our families and friends what we were doing and got tired of the constant "well-meaning" comments (i.e., "I know this will work" or "Are you pregnant yet?" or worst of all "I don't know what you're worried about" right before we found out that our baby had died.)

Well, some people close to us know that we've been to the RE, but I found out recently that some friends I'd rather leave in the dark actually read this blog (by linking through my blog - which I've now changed) so now I am hesitant to post ANYTHING for fear we'll start getting those well-meaning comments all over again.

Am I being silly, or have any of you felt like this?

My Intro (dd mentioned)

Thank you for allowing me to say hi, I’ve enjoyed this blog so much! Hopefully anyone else who is new can also introduce themselves also. My name is Tamara, age 29 and my hubby and I live in the SLC valley. Been married eight years, TTC since 2003 and have never experienced a pregnancy. Our dx is male factor, specifically tetrazoospermia which basically is low counts, poor progressive motility and he has 0% morphology (all the wrong shape). We’ve had one failed IUI and then shortly after learned that IVF w/ ICSI is the only option we really have fertility wise.

After trying for four years we came to a crossroads of trying IVF or pursuing adoption. From the start we felt very guided by the spirit that we were supposed to pursue adoption at that time. I could write a novel about our adoption experience but to spare you all here it is in a nutshell. Started paperwork 06/2006, approved 01/2007, started emailing with her bmom 05/2007, officially matched 07/2007, and DD born in late 10/2007. Boy that makes it seem so simple which is wasn't! Her birthfather contested two weeks after placement and I spent four months in Michigan in a legal mess waiting for hearings, court trials etc because ICPC wouldn't clear us to come home. Being a new mom was the most wonderful experience, but those early months were greatly overshadowed by the legal mess and we weren’t certain that we’d be able to keep her. It was very hard. I would love to adopt again but I feel like I’m driven by so much fear. Fear in a failed match or placement, crazy birthfathers, another long uncertain match time, you name it. I don’t want to be hurt again. Once bitten twice shy right?

So that’s a bit of our history. We are preparing now to try IVF for the first time in a few months. We’ll most likely be cycling up at the U and even had our IVF consultation a few weeks ago. I’ve been spending hours online looking at different clinics trying to find the best bang for the buck that comes with good success rates. That’s a whole other topic for another post! I see there are a lot of people here with male factor. Have any of you done DNA fragmentation testing? If we go to the U we’d only really be able to afford one or “maybe” two cycles. But that would essentially drain us of all of our savings outside our retirement. Option 2 is to go to a clinic out of state that I found that is essentially the same price for the first cycle, but they offer a greatly discount rate for cycles 2 or 3 if you need them. But then there’s all that travel. I can’t really stomach the idea of paying the U’s $25K for a shared risk cycle, but we don't have anywhere near that amount saved up anyway. So I don’t know what to do! I hate that we have to spend this kind of money on these sorts of things.

Well that’s me in a nutshell. Nice to “meet” you all!

This is so true, and yet wouldn't it be fabulous if we could pick the time and season?

IVF Let Down

So, we went in for our IVF consultation today to begin the IVF process. After going over everything with us, our doctor said he just wanted to do a quick ultrasound, then he'd prescribe me birth control pills to begin taking with my next cycle so they could take control and manipulate it with IVF medications. He was extremely positive and thought that given my age and Brian's sperm (despite its limitations and problems), our chances of achieving pregnancy would be really good.

Unfortunately, things didn't go so well with the ultrasound. My right ovary and uterus looked normal, as usual, but not so much with my left ovary. Last July when I had my last ultrasound, he noted what appeared to be a small endometrioma/cyst on my left ovary. But he said it was probably no big deal and it didn't matter since he could see eggs being produced in that ovary. Well today the first thing he said when looking at it was "Whoa!" The small cyst had tripled in size in just 7 months, going from the size of a raisin to the size of a strawberry (2 cm to 6 cm). Incidentally, over the past year, since my cycle has regulated to about 30 days, my period have become extra painful. I just figured I was being a wimp and it has just been too long since I'd had periods that frequently (before being on the birth control shot when I was a newlywed). But I guess there was/is a reason for the pain.

So, instead of starting right now on IVF, our doctor recommended laparascopic surgery to drain and cauterize the huge cyst. Then I have to take medications for 3 months while it heals before we can start IVF. I know this is for the best and all, but I guess I had just gotten my heart set on doing this in March, and now we have to wait until June. Why is this stuff so dang frustrating?!

I NEED TO VENT!!!

Can I just scream for all of us....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Really this whole trial of faith and patience is so frustrating. Most days I can deal with it but today I am not doing so good. I just want to freak out! I know that my problems are so small in comparison to what others go through but the load feels so heavy at times. I am always putting on a brave face and pretending that I am doing okay. Most the time I am but there is ALWAYS this hole in my heart. I ache for another child and wish so badly I had a little control over this area of my life. So what should I be doing? Is there more I could be doing? Is my best good enough? These are all questions I lye in bed and ask myself. It makes me so sad to think I could have a week old baby right now if our IVF had worked. But that would have just been to easy, right. Although I feel I have moved on from the let down of our failed IVF there is no moving on from the fact I want another child. My heart reminds me every day that something is missing. It is just so hard that I can't do a thing about it.. I know that in the end this will all make perfect sense but what do I do with this hole in my heart untill then? I tried shopping but that didn't even help.

What to do?????