Update

I just realized I hadn't updated on here in quite a while. I've been keeping track of everything on my own blog, but in case anyone was wondering:

After 14 days of shots (3 a day), we had our retrieval on Tuesday. It went ok--in my head, it could've gone better, but our RE thinks it's great. They got 10 eggs, 8 of which were mature and ICSI'd, and 5 of them fertilized normally. Tomorrow morning we're going in to have (most likely) 2 embryos transferred back to me, and hopefully freezing the other 3.

For the mean time, I'm trying to stay calm while doing my progesterone in oil shots (worse than the other ones but still not too terrible) and taking a nauseating antibiotic. I'm nervous for the transfer and praying everything goes ok. I've felt pretty calm this entire cycle, but now all I can think about is how much time, money, emotion, effort, etc. we've invested in this cycle. I have faith that it will turn out how the Lord wants, but that's not necessarily the same as what I want. Here's hoping this month is finally my turn!

.reasonable IVF.

hey ladies.
i'm not quite ready for IVF, but i have a cousin and a friend who have both used a dr in american fork (dr. richard and dr. marrs) and have both had IVF there. it is almost half the price of the u or rcc. dr. marrs was trained by the guy who made the 2nd ever "test tube baby" so they are reputable. i know their IVF success rates are astronomical and they usually do your inital consultation free. has anyone had experience with these two.?? i'm NOT a fan of my new RE and i'm in the market for a new one.

ash

My Friend Tamra

Hi Ladies -

It's been awhile since I have posted. I just thought I would share this blog site with you - especially for those who have children through adoption or contemplating it. This blog is written by my good friend Tamra. She is a birth mother - you may have seen her on videos or on written pamphlets at LDS Family services - anyhow she is an amazing woman and offers a lot of perspective of adoption.

Anyhow here is the blogsite: www.eachlifethattouchesoursforgood.blogspot.com

2009 Women's Conference

I loved the sessions this year. There was a lot of discussion about choosing faith over fear, in addition to finding contentment no matter what your circumstance or situations may be, and there was a lot of personal experiences shared regarding the trial of infertility.

Julie Beck gave a fabulous talk friday morning (it isn't online yet). She shared a story about visiting her YW advisor before she passed away at the age of 80. And she asked her if she had a good life. Her YW leader told her, " I've had a GREAT life! .... all for except the 10 years I spend trying to create my family." Sister Beck was struck by this comment, as her YW leader had experienced 80 years of life, raised 5 adopted children, lost one child early in life, watching many loved ones pass away and the various challenges and trials anyone may have in life. Sister Beck recognized what a great source of sorrow infertility was to her dear friend and to all those who carry this burden.

I have often wondered why infertility strikes such a deep cord, and I believe it is because our divine nature to create life. As women this is our purpose and when this is challenged, there is great sorrow.

As a mother of two adopted children, the sorrow is not as great as it once was for me. As I yearn for more children in my family .... I have to admit it, I love feeling acknowledged and validated by others who get it because sometimes it feels like the only voices we hear are from those who don't get it.

Enjoy the sisterhood is such a blessing of support!

My Daily Heroin

Yep, that's the name we've affectionately dubbed my Lupron injections. I mean, really, how often can someone say they legally, purposefully mixed up some drugs and injected themselves in an effort to get themselves something they really wanted? Except for us, it's a baby...not a high. But, whatever.

Today is day 2 of the injections, and so far so good. I know this probably makes me weird, but I actually kind of like it. It's kind of fun to feel like a scientist mixing stuff up in a vial and syringe. Plus, I feel like I'm doing something proactive to get our baby here as opposed to months of just waiting.

After a quick game of chicken last night (holding the syringe, with Brian and I arguing back and forth: "You do it. No you do it. No you do it."), I realized that these injections are really no big deal and don't hurt. Getting blood drawn or an IV hurts much worse, and even then those are pretty low key.

So to anyone considering IVF but holding back due to fear, take heart. It really is okay!

.parlodel.

hey girls..
i told you i'd update you all...
i had my prolactin re-drawn and it went up to 29.7
my dr put me on parlodel (bromocriptine) and we'll
check levels next week. i had my first ultrasound to
check follicle development. i had none on my L side
but i had 4 on my R. they were all decent size, with
the biggest one measuring 15 .. is this good???

I am not usually one that will tell married couples what to do, but I want every married couple that reads this blog to rent or go out and buy this movie. It is amazing. The acting is not the greatest but the message in this movie is incredible... It touched me, made me want to work even harder on my marriage. My marriage is great, but there is always room for improvement, like any marriage.
This movie showed me what love truly means. I need to love my husband as much as the Savior loves me. That is the true definition of love.
I hope you will take my advise and take a minute out of your busy lives, sit down with you spouse and watch this film. I know it will impact you as much as it has impacted me. You don't need to be having a rough patch in your marriage to want to watch it, but it will make you want to improve.

Happy Progress

Hi all! Well, it looks like things are marching along swimmingly for our IVF. Woohoo! Finally some good news, right?

Today we had our Lupron class, where a nurse taught us all about the different injections I get to have over the next few weeks. All I can say about that is that if I have a problem with needles, I'm going to have to get over it quickly! The Lupron looks easy enough, and even the Follistim or Gonal-F didn't look too bad. The Repronex scared me a bit because the nurse admitted that it's usually the most painful. I'm not worried about the hCG because I've had it before. The biggest bummer was the progesterone--turns out if we're lucky enough for this to work, I'll have to have it daily up to at least 8 weeks of pregnancy and possibly 10. Yikes! But, of course, totally worth it. I was reading the other day how almost any woman would say theoretically that she'd do anything for her child, but we women who are experiencing infertility are already doing practically anything and everything! Look at all the stuff we're doing just to get a baby here!

We also had a trial transfer, where our doctor simulated the transfer of embryos to check the depth of my uterus and make sure there weren't any problems getting a catheter fed through to the top of my uterus. It was just like an IUI (relatively painless), and went smoothly.

Oh, and we found out I'm immune to Rubella, am not a carrier of Cystic Fibrosis, have normal TSH (thyroid) levels, and O+ blood (which I already knew, but I guess it had to be documented by a lab), meaning no Rh factor issues.

I start the injections on Sunday. I'm a little nervous about my ability to inject myself (hopefully I'm not a wimp). But I am so so so excited to get this process going!

Educating Others

Here are a few awesome tidbits from conversations we've had with people unfamiliar with infertility and its treatment. It's my hope that by talking about infertility with other people, it will seem less weird and taboo, and even those who aren't dealing with it will be better educated about it.

Conversation #1:

Person: "So, you're doing in vitro?"
Me: "Yep, we start next Sunday."
Person: "I just don't know how I feel about that stuff. I guess if it were me I'd just want a normal pregnancy."
Me: "I want that too. Fortunately, if it works, that's exactly what we'll have."
Person: "Wait, you mean after the procedure it's a real, normal pregnancy?"
Me: "Well, yes. What did you think? Nine months from now the techs will remove our baby from the test tube and we'll pick him or her up from the lab?"

Conversation #2:

Person (who doesn't know we are doing in vitro): "So, you guys want to have a baby?"
Me: "Yes, we have for quite a while now."
Person: "Well, let me know when you're pregnant. I can recommend an awesome midwife. She's a big believer in all-natural pregnancy and childbirth. She'd never accept a patient who did freakish, totally unnatural stuff like that crazy California lady who had 8 kids. I mean, what has happened to society that we let doctors play God and create artificial life? If the Lord wants someone to have a baby, He'll let her get pregnant. We shouldn't be interfering."
Me: "Um, well, Brian and I are actually beginning in vitro next week. So I guess I won't be needing that referral."
Person (obviously uncomfortable): "Uh, no, I guess not. I mean, she's all about natural...and you guys are going about as far away from that as possible!"
Me: "Yep, and we're THRILLED! Wish us luck!"

Quick Update

So after a LOT of calculations, prayer, deliberation, aggravation, frustration, and worry, we have decided to go ahead with in vitro this month! Wahoo!

We have our Lupron class on Thursday, then we begin injections next Sunday. I am so excited! Isn't it funny how you can pour your heart out in prayer, begging for an answer, and worrying that you haven't received one yet...until all of a sudden you do? We really couldn't decide if it was smart to do it this month. With the bills for my surgery rolling in, plus our insurance deductible increasing to $8,000, on top of the $13,000 IVF with ICSI will cost, we were worried that we just couldn't swing it. Plus Brian has been worried about the security of his job given that his employer is a general contractor, and the construction industry is pretty crappy right now. Is it smart to spend all this money if he's going to be out of a job in a few months?

I have been so frustrated, often resorting to thoughts that idiotic 16-year-old girls don't have to spend thousand of dollars to get pregnant, so why do I? Isn't wanting a family a righteous desire?

I have no idea how we did it, but last month, without really trying, we saved $3,000 more than we normally do. Then Brian spoke to his boss, who reassured him that the company is doing fine, and even if it was struggling, Brian would be one of the last people they'd ever think of laying off. That was what we needed! Our prayers were finally answered. For me, it reaffirmed my testimony that the Lord really knows our hearts individually and will help us find a way to overcome our trials and accomplish our goals. I know we're still far from our goal of a family, but this was a critical step. Now, onward...

.prolactin.

hey everyone..
i had my CD 3 blood work done yesterday and everything is normal except my prolactin level was 28.4. i believe the normal range for this hormone is less than 26.

i am going back this week to get it re-drawn just to make sure it's accurately high.

anyone had experience with elevated prolactin??

ash

Here We Go (Probably, Maybe, Hopefully)

So I went in today for my post-op follow-up appointment. I just thought our doctor would check out my nicely healing incisions and send me on my merry way. But apparently things looked good enough that he sent me to the nurses to set up our in vitro schedule.

Wait a minute, I thought. We were supposed to wait until June or even July! But I guess the combination of my quick healing, the long (6+ weeks) process of in vitro, and the medicine I've been on since a week before the surgery that allows us to transition straight to in vitro without wretched birth control pills, means we can actually get started the week after Easter. That's less than 3 weeks away!

I know it seems crazy, but I had just resigned myself to waiting until summer. Now all of a sudden it's here again. It seems so fast! We're not 100% sure we're going to start in April (surgery bills + huge deductible + crazy expensive non-insurance-covered IVF=hemorrhaging money), but the possibility is there. I am really excited, scared, nervous, and almost afraid to hope--afraid to hope that we'll actually get to to do it, that the process will go smoothly, and that I'll actually get pregnant. Infertility is such a dang rollercoaster, but at least I might have the chance to get off it!

The end of the beginning

So I'm hoping that I'm safe posting again after my hiatus (due to the fracas with people linking through my blog), because I need to share.

We went in two months ago to start up clomid and IUIs again, and at the 14 day point, the RE checked my lining and follicles and didn't like what he saw.  So we scrapped that cycle and decided to try a different drug, Femara.  Long story short, we did the Femara, I had one good follicle and we did an HCG trigger shot along with an IUI.

Today was the big pregnancy test day and so, naturally I spent all of yesterday worrying about it.  Can I just say how much I hate taking pregnancy tests?  Nothing, and I mean NOTHING can get me more worked up than having to go and buy these stupid pee sticks, only to worry about whether it's going to be positive or negative and then thinking about all the worries or the relief I'll feel about either result.  UGH!  I swear my head would just start spinning and fly right off my shoulders if it could!

So after having nightmares about positive results and negative results, I just dragged my butt out of bed and took the test.  And the result?

We are now officially $700 poorer with nothing but information to show for it.

*Sigh*

I know the success rate peaks out at six months of drug therapy + IUIs, but I'm not sure my head (or my heart) can take 5 more months of pre-test freak-outs.

.questions.

hey girls.

i just had my first appt with my re and i'm very happy with how things went. we have a game plan and that's exactly what we need. he feels that my cycles are a little irregular (short luteal phase) even though i ovulate every month. i will be going in to have my CD 3 labs drawn because my OB/GYN never did those. We also may do the Kruger's strict morphology for my hubby if my labs are normal.

i just have a few questions about costs.

first, how much are all the labs and how much is the krugers test? i'm sure the costs are minimal, but just want to be aware before we go in. any help would be appreciated.

ash

Hilarious

Ok, I thought this was way too funny not to share: