No more procrastination?

I did it.  I finally went ahead and scheduled my HSG test for this Wednesday, and suddenly I am terrified.  What if my tubes are blocked?  What if they aren't?

And somehow I know that I haven't seen the last of this old friend/foe I call procrastination.

Procrastination or legitimately busy?

Have any of you done this before?   Taken a step or two towards adding to your family, then suddenly jerked to a stop?

Because I'm there.

Went to the RE clear back in May, had some tests, now I've stopped short of the HSG test that will tell me if IUIs are still a good option or not.   It's not that I'm afraid of the test - I've had too many horribly painful ones (try a uterine biopsy- that one hurts!) to have that be my concern, but I find myself just stopped at this crossroads trying to figure out why my feet won't move.   And it isn't just with infertitlity stuff: We met with LDS family back in May as well.  Our social worker gave us the initial paperwork to fill out, and do I even know where it is at this very moment?  Okay, so I'm pretty sure I know where it is, but have I even looked at it since that day?   Nope.

I tell myself that it's because we're busy trying to sell our home, or that DH has been gone too much to make scheduling the HSG nearly impossible, but I fear that the reality of it lies somewhere in the realm of frightened procrastination.

I mean, sure, I'd really like to lose about 30 pounds before starting the treatments that ballooned my weight up 30 pounds when I did them before, but I'm starting to think that the layer of dust on the treadmill makes it look sophisticated, much like the graying hair on a man.   And the fact that we had a message on our answering machine from the social worker asking if we are still interested in adopting hasn't sent me into panic mode, just made me want to drag my feet a little slower to avoid having to make that decision.

What is wrong with me????