WAYS TO BLOW OFF STEAM!!

i am wondering if you all have some good advice (say a top 10 list) of how to BLOW OFF STEAM!!! the stress of infertility, failed placements, raising adopted kids, and finally the drama of birth parents (I have a new one ... a birth father who decided he wants to be a part of my child's life after 3 years of NOTHING ... WHAT THE HELL!!!) and so on ...

i would love to hear your FAVORITES for letting it out and letting it go (and I am trying really hard to avoid destructive options - like eating or swearing or ... or ... so remember we are responsible adults now. I know - totally bummer!)

My FAVS
1. DANCING - does anyone want to go clubing? are we too old for that??
2. THROW something (jason might prefer BURNING something)
3. LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY

thanks for the help. lots of love - addie

In the spirit of laughter

I agree that sometimes you just need to laugh about infertility. Have you guys seen that mock-blog "Seriously, So Blessed"? If you haven't, you need to check it out. It's written by a fake girl named Tiffany/Amber/Megan/Nicole, whose husband goes to law/business/medical/ dental school. They are the perfect LDS newlyweds, and are expecting twins. I almost peed my pants I was laughing so hard at all the stupid stories (complete with misspelled words and horrible grammar).

One of the tough things about this trial is that you often get judged and asked insensitive questions, especially from other LDS friends (since having babies is such a central part of LDS culture). My husband and I have been asked numerous times if we just don't like kids, or when we're going to start, or if we've read talks from apostles advising couples to not wait, etc. We've been told we need to have more faith, or that perhaps the Lord is punishing us for our politics (ridiculous). Along those same lines, this was a recent post on Seriously, So Blessed:

bad perplexion

SO SAD SLASH STUMPED!

Last night was hobby nite at the law/biz/med/dental school wives club (so fun!...every one is so creative!) and this darling chica who seriously NEVER comes, showed up and geez, TALK about an awkward incounter you gys. I was way friendly and polite, as is of upmost importance as the first-lady, but ew! Hate to gossip, but this IS my journal, and I = way puzzled and in desparate need a venting spree. So get this...


They've been married for freaking EVER, I think since oh-SIX or something ridiculous, and guess how many kids? Um, ZERO. And she's not even preggers! Plus she has a JOB. Um, WTH. It's like there against wick and loans or something, not to mention HELLO!? Do they even HAVE parents??

Way.
sad.
life.
Ugh.

Of coarse, I'm sure they've been "trying" ;o) so to be nice, I figured I'd suggest a few things to help her get blessed slash preggo. I opened my eyes way big and earnest so my mascara clumps bonked into my carefully-shaped brows, and asked way hi-pitched friendly, "Have you guys thought about paying tithing?" She was all, "What do you mean?"

LOL! Awkard! I shrugged my teensy shoulders and gentley put a lotiony hand on her back all compassionate. I lowered my cute head and tossed my streaked bangs slowly, giving her my darling quizzical pity pout, and pointed slowly at my fertile garden belly, (meaningful pause), then at her desolate desert one.

"You know....TWO, NONE. TWO, NONE...

Just saying maybe it's time to CTR."

Nice, right? But nooo, she flipped the heck out and chose to be offended. Girls are SO drama! Always telling the J-Dub he's seriously so lucky to of married someone so down to earth and chill. I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP THEM TO NOT HAVE A BORING LIFE. It's like, is it just that she's selfish and a heaven hater, or does she have a wasteland of a womb?? I'm TRYING to be sensitive but it is way hard. Should I send a note?

Sometimes you just need to laugh

This one got me to the point of nearly peeing my pants. I never considered that hubby's sperm is gay. Wow that is a new one. Do you think there is a treatment for that?

I was thinking about you fine ladies this past weekend. Well actually (quite often) during the holidays. Its hard to know what you really really want for Christmas this year, and Santa didn't or in my case will NEVER deliver. I did ask him once though. At a Christmas family function...Lets just say it forced a quiteness (not common in my large, loud family) amongst the crowd, and I left the jolly ole' elf speechless. Probably not the best idea, but I couldn't resist.

Anyway, we have been dealing with the "disease" of infertility for nearly a decade, and I am sad to say that it still hurts. Well, not full on breakdowns these days but the sting is still there. I ran into a infertility friend of mine recently, and guess what she is prego with number dos! Although the joy for her and her family overshadowed the "sting" I was quite surprised how it unleashed multiple feelings for me. As the wallowing got deeper, I realized that laughing myself out of it somehow seemed to help the feelings subside.

Soo, when your low with the remnants of "holiday blues", find something out there that merits a laugh or two! Who knows it may be your inhospitable womb or his gay sperm!

No more procrastination?

I did it.  I finally went ahead and scheduled my HSG test for this Wednesday, and suddenly I am terrified.  What if my tubes are blocked?  What if they aren't?

And somehow I know that I haven't seen the last of this old friend/foe I call procrastination.

Wishing You a Merry Christmas

I just wanted to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas! I hope you all enjoy the holidays and that this next year brings happiness and many blessing to all of you.

Here are a picture of my two miracle babies and stepdaughter: Serenity - 6 Brynn- 14 months and Hannah - 4 months

Post Your Holiday Photo too :)

A questionable adoption agency

Hey everyone -

Just wanted to give you a "heads up" on an adoption agency (based out of Utah) that my friend just warned me about.  She says that after two separate personal incidents with them, that she and her husband found out a lot of negative information about the agency- unfortunately, she didn't give more details than that.

They are All for Love adoption agency, and I would advise caution if you are looking into using them, or if you have been approached through an outside source (i.e., parentprofiles.com).

I personally have not researched this agency, so I hope that I am not offending anyone by passing on this information.  If you've adopted through this agency and have had positive experiences, please let us know.  I would hate to be the one that keeps others from using a legitimate agency because of this post.

All I want for Christmas is...

Hi everyone! I wanted to share something that I have found this last month. You can check it out at this website: http://conceptionkit.com. My girlfriend used them and has her own success story after trying for about two years on their own. They don't have a diagnosed problem, and everyone's situation is different, but it is nice to see an option for $100/month compared with what some of us have done!!

Hope that this isn't inappropriate and/or doesn't feel like advertising. Also, I would never want to be 'that person' that says "Why don't you just try this?"

On the other hand, it really seems like a good thing, and I think I read that they have a 25% success rate for couples that try it.

Alright, that is my show and tell for today! Hope you all are doing well!

Bonding

Has anyone else worried about bonding with an adopted child?

Shortly after we took Mimi home from the hospital someone said to me, "You can't even remember life without her, can you?" and I laughed and told them that of course I could!  How could nine years of just the two of us fade away after a month or two of dirty diapers, crying, and mid-night feedings?  As I reflected on the question and my response, I began to realize that what they were talking about was the "instant bond" that mothers seem to feel toward their children only minutes after giving birth which seems to change the way a new mother looks at everything.  I began to wonder if it was because Mimi was adopted that I didn't feel that bond, although I'd heard some adoptive parents say they'd felt it right after having their child placed into their arms.  But as much as I loved my little girl and knew that she was mine the moment that I saw her, I didn't feel "the bond".  It worried me a little, but I was busy with a new little baby, and honestly didn't have much time to even think about it, except to re-evaluate periodically and see if I felt that way yet.  No one told me that the feeling can grow from the simple love that you begin with, but because of our adoption situation, I had complete faith that having her in our family was right and that the feeling would eventually come.  And I was right!

Mimi is now 2 years old and just a few weeks ago during a diaper change as we sat giggling together over something silly, I had this overwhelming feeling of rightness come over me that being her mom was what I was always meant to do.  And it was then that I realized that the bond that I'd longed for had been growing inside of me as she grew.  And I couldn't imagine my life without her. As I thought about that feeling over the next few days, I realized that I had gotten to the point that even though I could remember those nine years, that they were fuzzy compared to the last two- even with dirty diapers, sickness, tantrums and all.  That's not to say that I don't have moments of wishing for a little peace and quiet, but I'm grateful for the small, simple joys that occur in random ways every day.

Just a little something to think about!

Everywhere in nature we are taught the lessons of patience and waiting. We want things a long time before we get them, and the fact that we want them a long time makes them all the more precious when they come.~Joseph F. Smith

I ran into this blog, I don't even remember how now. http://therhouse.blogspot.com/ To tell you the truth I have not been able to read much on it. But the things she wrote rang so true to me. I feel like it's something we can all relate to. Hope you enjoy!

A Little Reading

Just found this article I thought you all may enjoy.

http://segullah.org/small-epiphanies/compassion/

Your always in my thoughts and prayers!

tears of sorrow

Thanks for the beautiful posts ... Elder Wirthlin's talk and From God's Arms. They were both wonderful reminders to me of the miracles in my life. And particularly at a time in which I need reminding.

We found out Wednesday our birth mother has selected a different family and is working on placement with a private agency because they can offer her living expenses. Again, none of this really makes any sense to me. And once again the tears of lost opportunities continue to fall.

Sorry I haven't called or emailed, we haven't quite known what to say. We not ready to completely shut this door ... just the window.

Our resolve to have faith and hope remains strong.

From God's Arms

I'm sure you've all head this song before, but I thought it was really sweet how Donny and Marie introduce it, especially since November is National Adoption Awareness month:

JUST A LITTLE STORY.......

Hello everyone....I hope you are all doing well. It has been such a busy time for everyone! I just wanted to share an experience I had today at the mall....

I saw a guy standing in line at the chick Filia we made eye contact and nodded like we knew eachother. After he got his food I said.....

How do I know you
he said didn't we go to school together
I said no, and then asked him if maybe he had adopted any children. Why would I think to ask this random, personal question to someone I didn't even know....or did I????
Any way he said well we are actually adopting TODAY
I said WHAT, WOW, that is awesome!

I went on to tell him that my two boys are adopted and that I was so happy for him and his wife. He informed me the reason they were at chick Filia was because there placement had been postponed and they were killing time. I was amazed that we made this unusual connection on this particular day. He sat to have lunch with his wife and me and the boys finished up ours. I stopped on our way out to say hi to his wife and congratulate her. You could tell she was a little apprehensive and asked me if it was normal to have the placement postponed. I reassured her it was and that most people I know have had placement postponed for one reason or another. After talking with them for a few minutes about our adoptions and what a miracle it has been for us I gathered the boys and left. I pray with all my heart this sweet couple received the miracle of a child today. I believe the Lord puts us in the right place at the right time and I feel that is what he did today. This sweet couple just needed a Little reassurance and I hope in some small way I was able to help. I drove home with a pray in my heart for them but also a prayer of gratitude for my boys and what they have given to me. Not only have they made me a mother but they have given me a perspective I would not have other wise. I wouldn't have been able to connect with this couple on such a personal and deep level. I got tears in my eyes knowing what an amazing experience they were in for today. Life is not easy for any of us no matter what our trials are. Infertility is hard but it is also a blessing. It is a blessing to see these children for what they truly are....A MIRACLE. I wouldn't trade this knowledge for anything. Even though I have had to endure a lot of heart ache and pain I wouldn't change a thing. I have been paid back a hundred fold by my loving Heavenly Father. It is because of this trial my joy is so full. Infertility is still hard for me and there are days I just cry. I feel I lost 6 months of my life with our IVF and the pain is still there. BUT I have been so blessed. I think if we choose to count our blessings and find joy in life even tough it is NOT easy we can find true happiness. We just have to trust the Lord and put complete faith in him and he will give us the peace and comfort we need.

I loved this talk by Elder Wirthlin from Conference and wanted to share it. I felt this talk was written just for me. I cried my eyes out through the whole thing and even wrote him a letter thanking him for giving me the answerer's I was looking for. I hope that it will bring that same comfort to you. All the pain you have felt and the tears you have cried are not in vain. There is a purpose just be patient and you will know and understand the reason for your trial!!!


The way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life.
When I was young I loved playing sports, and I have many fond memories of those days. But not all of them are pleasant. I remember one day after my football team lost a tough game, I came home feeling discouraged. My mother was there. She listened to my sad story. She taught her children to trust in themselves and each other, not blame others for their misfortunes, and give their best effort in everything they attempted.
When we fell down, she expected us to pick ourselves up and get going again. So the advice my mother gave to me then wasn’t altogether unexpected. It has stayed with me all my life.
“Joseph,” she said, “come what may, and love it.”
I have often reflected on that counsel.
I think she may have meant that every life has peaks and shadows and times when it seems that the birds don’t sing and bells don’t ring. Yet in spite of discouragement and adversity, those who are happiest seem to have a way of learning from difficult times, becoming stronger, wiser, and happier as a result.
There may be some who think that General Authorities rarely experience pain, suffering, or distress. If only that were true. While every man and woman on this stand today has experienced an abundant measure of joy, each also has drunk deeply from the cup of disappointment, sorrow, and loss. The Lord in His wisdom does not shield anyone from grief or sadness.
For me, the Lord has opened the windows of heaven and showered blessings upon my family beyond my ability to express. Yet like everyone else, I have had times in my life when it seemed that the heaviness of my heart might be greater than I could bear. During those times I think back to those tender days of my youth when great sorrows came at the losing end of a football game.
How little I knew then of what awaited me in later years. But whenever my steps led through seasons of sadness and sorrow, my mother’s words often came back to me: “Come what may, and love it.”
How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can’t—at least not in the moment. I don’t think my mother was suggesting that we suppress discouragement or deny the reality of pain. I don’t think she was suggesting that we smother unpleasant truths beneath a cloak of pretended happiness. But I do believe that the way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life.
If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness.
Over the years I have learned a few things that have helped me through times of testing and trial. I would like to share them with you.

Learn to Laugh

The first thing we can do is learn to laugh. Have you ever seen an angry driver who, when someone else makes a mistake, reacts as though that person has insulted his honor, his family, his dog, and his ancestors all the way back to Adam? Or have you had an encounter with an overhanging cupboard door left open at the wrong place and the wrong time which has been cursed, condemned, and avenged by a sore-headed victim?
There is an antidote for times such as these: learn to laugh.
I remember loading up our children in a station wagon and driving to Los Angeles. There were at least nine of us in the car, and we would invariably get lost. Instead of getting angry, we laughed. Every time we made a wrong turn, we laughed harder.
Getting lost was not an unusual occurrence for us. Once while heading south to Cedar City, Utah, we took a wrong turn and didn’t realize it until two hours later when we saw the “Welcome to Nevada” signs. We didn’t get angry. We laughed, and as a result, anger and resentment rarely resulted. Our laughter created cherished memories for us.
I remember when one of our daughters went on a blind date. She was all dressed up and waiting for her date to arrive when the doorbell rang. In walked a man who seemed a little old, but she tried to be polite. She introduced him to me and my wife and the other children; then she put on her coat and went out the door. We watched as she got into the car, but the car didn’t move. Eventually our daughter got out of the car and, red faced, ran back into the house. The man that she thought was her blind date had actually come to pick up another of our daughters who had agreed to be a babysitter for him and his wife.
We all had a good laugh over that. In fact, we couldn’t stop laughing. Later, when our daughter’s real blind date showed up, I couldn’t come out to meet him because I was still in the kitchen laughing. Now I realize that our daughter could have felt humiliated and embarrassed. But she laughed with us, and as a result, we still laugh about it today.
The next time you’re tempted to groan, you might try to laugh instead. It will extend your life and make the lives of all those around you more enjoyable.

Seek for the Eternal

The second thing we can do is seek for the eternal. You may feel singled out when adversity enters your life. You shake your head and wonder, “Why me?”
But the dial on the wheel of sorrow eventually points to each of us. At one time or another, everyone must experience sorrow. No one is exempt.
I love the scriptures because they show examples of great and noble men and women such as Abraham, Sarah, Enoch, Moses, Joseph, Emma, and Brigham. Each of them experienced adversity and sorrow that tried, fortified, and refined their characters.
Learning to endure times of disappointment, suffering, and sorrow is part of our on-the-job training. These experiences, while often difficult to bear at the time, are precisely the kinds of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character, and increase our compassion for others.
Because Jesus Christ suffered greatly, He understands our suffering. He understands our grief. We experience hard things so that we too may have increased compassion and understanding for others.
Remember the sublime words of the Savior to the Prophet Joseph Smith when he suffered with his companions in the smothering darkness of Liberty Jail: “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;
“And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.”1
With that eternal perspective, Joseph took comfort from these words, and so can we. Sometimes the very moments that seem to overcome us with suffering are those that will ultimately suffer us to overcome.

The Principle of Compensation

The third thing we can do is understand the principle of compensation. The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.
One of the blessings of the gospel is the knowledge that when the curtain of death signals the end of our mortal lives, life will continue on the other side of the veil. There we will be given new opportunities. Not even death can take from us the eternal blessings promised by a loving Heavenly Father.
Because Heavenly Father is merciful, a principle of compensation prevails. I have seen this in my own life. My grandson Joseph has autism. It has been heartbreaking for his mother and father to come to grips with the implications of this affliction.
They knew that Joseph would probably never be like other children. They understood what that would mean not only for Joseph but for the family as well. But what a joy he has been to us. Autistic children often have a difficult time showing emotion, but every time I’m with him, Joseph gives me a big hug. While there have been challenges, he has filled our lives with joy.
His parents have encouraged him to participate in sports. When he first started playing baseball, he was in the outfield. But I don’t think he grasped the need to run after loose balls. He thought of a much more efficient way to play the game. When a ball was hit in his direction, Joseph watched it go by and then pulled another baseball out of his pocket and threw that one to the pitcher.
Any reservations that his family may have had in raising Joseph, any sacrifices they have made have been compensated tenfold. Because of this choice spirit, his mother and father have learned much about children with disabilities. They have witnessed firsthand the generosity and compassion of family, neighbors, and friends. They have rejoiced together as Joseph has progressed. They have marveled at his goodness.
Trust in the Father and the Son
The fourth thing we can do is put our trust in our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.
“God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son.”2 The Lord Jesus Christ is our partner, helper, and advocate. He wants us to be happy. He wants us to be successful. If we do our part, He will step in.
He who descended below all things will come to our aid. He will comfort and uphold us. He will strengthen us in our weakness and fortify us in our distress. He will make weak things become strong.3
One of our daughters, after giving birth to a baby, became seriously ill. We prayed for her, administered to her, and supported her as best we could. We hoped she would receive a blessing of healing, but days turned into months, and months turned into years. At one point I told her that this affliction might be something she would have to struggle with the rest of her life.
One morning I remember pulling out a small card and threading it through my typewriter. Among the words that I typed for her were these: “The simple secret is this: put your trust in the Lord, do your best, then leave the rest to Him.”
She did put her trust in God. But her affliction did not disappear. For years she suffered, but in due course, the Lord blessed her, and eventually she returned to health.
Knowing this daughter, I believe that even if she had never found relief, yet she would have trusted in her Heavenly Father and “[left] the rest to Him.”
Conclusion
Although my mother has long since passed to her eternal reward, her words are always with me. I still remember her advice to me given on that day long ago when my team lost a football game: “Come what may, and love it.”
I know why there must be opposition in all things. Adversity, if handled correctly, can be a blessing in our lives. We can learn to love it.
As we look for humor, seek for the eternal perspective, understand the principle of compensation, and draw near to our Heavenly Father, we can endure hardship and trial. We can say, as did my mother, “Come what may, and love it.” Of this I testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

I can't say that I love being infertile or that our IVF didn't work, but I take comfort knowing that someday somehow I will be blessed with another child and that I will LOVE......

Ouch

Hi girls! I hope you all had a fun Halloween and enjoyed Election Day yesterday. I'm posting today because until recently, I hadn't been thinking all that much about our infertility. No, nothing's different with our situation. We're still saving our pennies for either in vitro or adoption early next year. Even though it seems far away, I've been at peace with it...until recently. I know a lot has been said in the media about Proposition 8 in California, which the Church supported. On the other hand, for a multitude of reasons, I did not. Do I still believe in and sustain my Church and its leaders? Of course. I just disagreed (not like it even mattered, since I don't live in California). For the most part, I kept my opinion on such a controversial issue to myself. But when pressed, I admitted that I did not support Prop 8. That's when the firestorm began.

I was told, by more than one person, that the reason my husband and I are infertile is because I am disobeying the Lord by opposing Prop 8. I was told that if I was more faithful and did not dissent or murmur, maybe then I would be worthy enough to become a mother. Ouch. Other women I know have been told that clearly they're not being faithful enough, or paying enough tithing or fast offerings, so that's why they're infertile. Girls, I hope that despite political differences, we can all agree that the Lord just doesn't work like that. I don't think we're punished or rewarded with children according to our politics or other matters. Otherwise, how do you explain all the out-of-wedlock, drug-and-alchohol-fueld pregnancies that occur constantly? So, to anyone who's had similarly insensitive and/or rude things said to them, take heart. The Lord I know, the one who speaks to me through the sweet whisperings of the Spirit, doesn't do that. He loves us all, and infertility is not a punishment.

FEAR vs. FAITH

In my life, I continue to ask myself am I making decisions out of fear or faith???

At our lunch group on Friday, we were talking about past relationships and how sometimes patterns tend to repeat themselves.

I was reminded of a time in high school when a friend I was hanging out with asked me to choose - if I was going to play it safe and stay "outside the fire" --thanks to Garth Brooks -- because of fear, or if I was going to "step inside the fire" with faith. My conscious decision to take a big risk lead to a great love and a meaningful relationship.

I too am facing a new "fire" as we risk putting ourselves out there in hopes of adopting another child. As I was pondering the risk, I realized fear is the only that holds me back. Fear of time, fear of losing money, fear of not being selected, fear of the birth mother's expectations, and fear of another loss. For me these fears are real, as they are for many of you.

But if I let go of fear, the decision to LOVE and have complete FAITH in Heavenly Father's plan for me and my family is easy. My heart opens to embrace the joys of loving more fully, with less conditions. And experience more true faith, in which I doubt less.

My prayer is we continue to choose faith over fear! Enjoying the joy in the journey a bit more!!