Thursday, March 11, 2010

.let's talk about adoption.

hey ladies. it's me again. i really need your help now. i'm not sure if any of you know, but i actually miscarried last week...i know, ugh. and my dr. doesn't feel like we'll get much better results with another ivf... i think we'll still do one more in vegas cause we paid for it, but we are FOR SURE beginning the adoption process. and as i have prayed about adoption...i haven't felt peaceful about starting it, until this past sunday. my husband and i now KNOW that heavenly father is preparing the way for a baby to come to us and we want to listen. i'm almost sure we'll be using LDSFS so any ladies that have tips and info about how to make this smooth. i have requested the info packet and will attend the orientation in april...but are there other things i can be doing with our house, or with the profiles, etc?? we're SO excited... i finally feel normal again...and not so broken?

love you all.

8 comments:

Mike and Kira said...

I'm not even a part of this blog, I have just been following it ever since I found out I couldn't have kids 2 years ago. My husband and I adopted a baby boy through LDSFS in November and LOVED working with the agency. Getting approved took us under 2 months, and we were picked a month later, then waited 6 months for the baby to arrive. Anyway, don't let anyone tell you that it takes months and months to get approved, it can be done quickly.
My advice is to really look into open adoption. My hubby and I were hesitant at first but after a lot of research and classes, we found that it is not scary at all. Therefore, we said we would be willing to be part of a very open adoption. This is why we were shown so quickly I think, because our birth mom wanted a really open family. We see her every couple months and send pictures and just love her like crazy.
Anyway, I have a lot to say about how amazing adoption is and LDSFS, but if you want to email me, my email is mikeandkira@yahoo.com. My blog is private, but if you send me your email I'll send you an invite. I have a lot of stuff on my blog documenting our adoption that may be helpful, I don't know?
So sorry about your miscarriage, I can't imagine how you must be feeling. Getting our babies here is such a struggle at times, but we are the women who appreciate every second of them when they get here!
Good luck with the journey!
Kira

Shannon said...

I am so sorry about your about your miscarriage. I had an ectopic pregnancy after our first in vitro and it was awful. I felt so cheated and heartbroken. We went on to do another ivf and have our little girl Brynn.

We have also adopted two boys and couldn't love them any more. Our first experience with LDSFS was wonderful. We had the best caseworker, we felt like she cared and things went smoothly. Our second was awful. We had like 6 caseworkers in 4 months they didn't call and update us we felt like we had no one on our side. It took twice as long to get approved.

So here's my advice. I hope you have a wonderful experience, but if you don't keep plugging along. The baby is worth it. Your baby will find you regardless of how well your caseworker does. Sometimes the paperwork is intimidating and the secretary is grumpy, but your baby is worth it. So go into it with an open mind, stay close to the spirit, be patient and you will find greater joy than you have ever known. We are blessed to have two amazing birth moms, but not everyone has such a great relationship. The baby is still worth it!! I guess you see my point. Good luck, our prayers are with you!

Hillary said...

I am so excited for you!

Tamara ViAnn said...

That's so exciting! We adopted our daughter via LDSFS just over two years ago. I won't lie... by far the hardest thing we've ever done but it was SO worth it. We just melted when we saw our daughter for the first time. It took us seven months to get approved and we were matched about four months later with the sweetest girl ever. After a long 6 month match our DD was born. Two weeks after she was born we found out that her 15 year old birthfather was contesting the adoption. I basically spent the first 3.5 months living in by DD's birth state because ICPC wouldn't clear us to come home until his rights were terminated. It was a nightmare and the hardest thing I've EVER done. So it's entirely possible that things you don't think could ever happen to you/ or be willing to deal with will happen. But at the end the heartbreak is so very worth it. She is the light of our lives. I just wish the process would have been a little easier ya know?!

Go into the process knowing that the caseworkers are very overworked and underpayed. You will basically be their last priority with their first priority being to birthmoms and those already waiting. While we were paperchasing it was hard to get emails and phone calls returned promptly but once we were matched they were really on top of things. We ent through 2-3 caseworkers from start to finish.

I'd also highly consider researching open adoption. It's turned out to be such a blessing for us but I agree that it's not for everyone but it's been so awesome when it works the way it should. We had quite a few contacts before we were matched and most of the girls were wanting VERY open adoptions. We were more along the lines of wanting one visit a year with all the emails/pictures/letters they wanted but a good chunk of the girls we ran into were wanting the extended family type of relationship. So navigating the roads of openness can be hard because the details of what that means can be so drastically different between families. Our DD's birthmom's desires for openness matched right along with ours and we were so happy that they did. It's very, very important to both be on the same page as far as what you want out of openness between you and your husband and that of your birthparents. Our DD's birthmom is amazing and we love her to pieces. We are so grateful she is a part of our lives.

Oh, and start the background checks first because they take the longest to get back.

Good luck!

Jon & Kim said...

First of all I am so sorry for your loss!! We were all so excited for you and happy to hear some good news for once. Keep us posted on how the next IVF goes.

As for adoption....all of the comments have been so good and I agree with most of what has been said. We have had three WONDERFUL experiences with LDSFS. Have they been perfect, NO but worth it YES!!! I think sometime we depend a litle too much on our case worker. My advise to you is to try and be on top of it as possible and don't be affraid to ask questions and really take control of the situation. Your Case worker is there to guide you but does not have the time to hold your hand trhough every little detail. You can really move as fast as you get things on your end done. I agree with the Back Ground check, get them done ASAP!!! Just realize that if you do go through LDSFS they really do mean well and try hard to accomidate everyone. I know there are a lot of other great agencies as well.

As for your relationship with your Birth Mother...I do agree that openess is not only wonderful but nesasary. Most Birth Mothers want some kind of openess. I truely believe that it is possible in any situation to find a balance. Just be honest with yourself and with your Birth Mother and keep an open mind. Lia's Birth Mother we have had in our home several times in the past nine months and it has been wonderful. She has started to move on now and I truely believe our willingness to let her into our lives has helped her move on a lot faster. We have agreed to meet one more time for Lia's 1st Birthday. It has been a wonderful realationship for every one involved. Weather you decide to spend Christmas' together or just meet a few times in the first year that is totally up to you and your Birth Mother and it is possible to find a way to make everyone happy. We are looking forward to moving on but I wouldn't trade the openess we have had for anything. Of course we will still send something every Birthday but for us we feel it is time to just be a family. I love all of our Birth Mothers probably more than they will ever know and there is not a day that goes by that I don't have gratitude in my heart for what they have given me.

I also want you to know that even though your child may be adopted they are YOURS! I have never for one second felt any different. I feel we are just a "normal" happy family. If anything our kids are really lucky to be loved by so many people, but really no one could love them as much as my husband and I do. It is one thing to give birth but it is another to raise a child and to give your whole life to them. I hope that all these comments bring you some peace and help you to know that even though it may not be easy it is worth it. Just like infertility adoption has it's challenges, but in the end it is more than worth it. If this is the road you feel you should take you will be blessed with the strength and courage you need to face what ever comes your way. GOOD LUCK!!!!

Lots of Love,
Kim

Beck said...

I am so sorry for your loss!

Regarding adoption, I agree with Kim...your involvement will dictate how fast or slow the process goes. With us, we've been working on stuff since August of last year, but feel absolutely no sense of urgency about it, and that's okay.

As for your question about getting your house ready- your home interview (or inspection?) is pretty subjective. Some caseworkers are more strict than others, so I'd just ask your what he/she is specifically looking for before you have that interview.

Good luck with everything, and keep us posted!

Hua said...

Hey Kim,

I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. Good luck with whatever you decide on.

I found your blog while searching for heartfelt and helpful stories while dealing with Infertility. I think your personal story could help those who are going through a hard time and looking for support throughout their journey with Infertility. Wellsphere's HealthBlogger Network (HBN) is comprised of over 3,000 of bloggers who support each other through 150 communities including infertility, depression, dealing with loss and adoption.

For more information about joining, please visit http://www.wellsphere.com/health-blogger or email me at hua [at] wellsphere [dot] com

Best,
Hua
Director of Blogger Networks

Mike and Leslie said...

A good friend of mine told me about this blog. It is so nice to find support through this diffucult time. I have my own blog that I just started for myself and to vent (ourjourneywithinfertility.blogspot.com). We just did our 3rd IVF and it didn't work. We are now looking into embryo adoption through RCC in Utah and also adoption through LDSFS. Are there any other adoption agencies that you know of that are good besides LDSFS?