Sunday, December 13, 2009

.insurance for infertility petition.

hey y'all.

i don't know if any of you have seen this, but i put a button on my blog and emailed a bunch of people. it is a petition to get insurance companies to cover infertility. since money should NOT stand in the way of having a family.

it would be awesome to get tons of people to sign it. it may not help us, but hopefully it can help others in the future to not have to bear such a financial burden..as if the heart-wrenching pain of infertility is not enough. love you all.

here is the link.

www.petitiononline.com/FI200507/petition.html

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Dr. Richards

Dr. Richards was Dr. Andrew's Endochronesiologist (i don't know how to spell it, but that means he is the man in the lab. VERY IMPORTANT POSITION. As they are really the ones who make embroys fertilize and mature appropriately.) before Dr. Andrews got in trouble. Now Dr. Richards has a new partner from LA who travels to Utah every other month to perform IVF procedures. Other than the retrieval and implantation, Dr. Richards does everything else.

Dr. Richards is in American Fork at Center for Advanced Reproductive Medicine Inc. 801-756-4313. His success rate with the last group was 8 out of 11 got pregnant and 2 of the 3 had frozen embryo they were going to try again with. My neighbor Dustin and Valerie Zwanitzer used him a couple years ago and really enjoyed their experience and it was successful.

His new partners is Dr. Richard Marrs. You can read about him online at ww.lainfertility.com - there is a ton of info on him and he quite a reputation. America's leading Reproductive Specialist. 1st IVF baby. Founded the National Reproductive Society.

If you are interested, call Dr. Richards first b/c Dr. Marrs offers clients Dr. Richards recommends special pricing. His Utah pricing of IVF is $7k and my friends say they spent less than $10k on the whole procedure including drugs - so I am assuming the drugs will add a couple thousand at the most. And some insurances are covering all medication cost. In fact, my friends insurance paid 30% of their entire IVF. Anyone needing ICSI would have to travel to LA, b/c Dr. Richards does not have the appropirate technology here in Utah. He quoted me $8800 for IVF in LA (not including cost of drugs, or ICSI, or travel - but keep in mind Dr. Heiner just quoted me $1300 for IVF, $1500 for ICSI, $1500 for retrieval of sperm - a special procedure we have to do to get my husbands's guys out, + cost of drugs).

Hope this helps. This is an option, I am and would definitely consider! Good luck to you all!!

Lots of love - addie

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

IVF and Adoptive Mom

Hi, my name is Michele and this is my first time posting here. I am a mom to 2 kids. My son was conceived through IVF and will be 2 in January. My daughter was adopted through Heart to Heart Adoptions and will turn 1 in February.
We did our IVF at the U of U with Dr. Mark Gibson. We were very lucky that we had a successful outcome, because when it came to transfer, we only had one embryo left, and that led to our sons pregnancy. The reason I am posting here is because we are considering doing IVF again in 2010 to try and achieve one more pregnancy. I always assumed we would just go back to the U, but after reading about some of your stories on this blog, I am wondering if we should be considering more options. I have heard a little about Dr. Richards, and know he has good success rates. We have female and male factor infertility though and ICSI will be necessary, so does that mean Dr. Richards is not an option for us? I read that he doesn't perform the ICSI procedure? What about mini IVF programs? Programs in Vegas and LA? I just wanted someone to give me a list of places to check out. I would GREATLY appreciate it. I had no idea that things could change so quickly, but it seems they have. We were told when we had to do IVF, that there are only 2 places in Utah to do it, U of U and St. Marks. Apparently that is not the case and I want a comprehensive list before I jump in, ya know? Any info would be nice! Thanks ladies. Best of luck to you all. Infertility is really, really hard, but the rewards in the end can be that much better because of our struggles.
our miracles.
www.johnandmichele.blogspot.com

Sunday, November 29, 2009

.need help.

hey girls.

i know most of you don't really post much on this sight, but i'm hoping that you're still checking it a little. we just found out our 2nd attempt at ivf failed like the 1st one did. we are officially done with ivf for now and are moving to adoption. we would LOVE some tips, pointers, and advice as to where and how to begin the process. i think we're set on lds family services...but are open to stories about other agencies. thanks so much.

ash

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Just a Head Up

I haven't shared a ton about my story because by the time this blog started I had two newborns and infertility was the last thing on my mind! I would like to let you guys know about my doctor.

I went to Dr. Larry Andrew in Springville, Utah. We had some friends that recommended him and we were moving to Payson so we thought we'd give him a try. We had previously tried for four years and had done 6 IUIs. From the minute we went into his office he diagnosed me and my husband more quickly and correctly than any other doctor. He was very organized, clear, and was straight about our options. He had a great course of action and explained things very clearly. He had everything he needed in his office to do IVF and ICSI. His embryologist was great. The only thing they didn't offer at the time was the ability to freeze and store eggs, but he had a colleague that would do that for you.

We decided to do IVF with him because of his knowledge and his price was so great. It was $10,000. Our first cycle went well and we got pregnant only to find it was ectopic. Sadly, we had to miscarry. We moved onto adoption because our first boy was adopted and it was cheaper. Because we had met our deductible that year we decided to do a laparoscopy to see how severe my endometriosis was. It was something I hadn't wanted to do in the past because I hated the thought of spending the money, going into surgery, and then them saying, "You are just fine!"

A month after my surgery we heard from a friend that Dr. Andrew was doing a cheaper procedure where instead of using all the injections, blood draws, and ultra sounds which make the IVF so expensive he was doing a clomid IVF. It was only $3000. We asked him if we were good candidates and he said yes. So you basically go on clomid like you would for an IUI. When it was time you get an ultra sound and if all looks good you do an egg retrieval, 3-5 days for the egg, then the transfer. If it doesn't look good you are only out the cost of the clomid. It worked for us and we now have our Brynn. We paid an extra for $500 for ICSI both times. Although I have several factors in my infertility our main thing was we need the joining of the egg and sperm. Doing this clomid IVF was just what we needed.

While going through this procedure we found out Dr. Andrew was going through some legal battles. He was charged with forcible sex abuse from 8 patients. We had a struggle trying to decide if we wanted to continue with him. After a lot of praying we just made sure someone was always in the room with me, as well as a nurse, and figured he would not do anything while going to trial soon. We also had a really hard time believing he would do anything like that. He ended up going to jail for a year and was released and was able to practice family medicine. We just found out starting December he will be able to practice infertility again.

His new prices are $4,500 for clomid IVF (I'm not sure what he calls it) and $6,500 for IVF. ICSI is still an additional $500. The reason I tell you guys all this is he may be right for you. I know it sounds crazy to go to someone after hearing all that but I just wanted you to know about this option. I truly think he has a gift for treating infertile patients. I also know the desperation that you feel when you want children so badly. I just know that he is competent and that if we want another child we will go to him. His office number is 801-794-3670. Feel free to ask me any questions or if you look him up on google you can read some articles on ksl about his trial. I get that this could sound crazy to you but I just wanted everyone to have another option available. Good luck!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

.reproductive care center vs. SIRM.

hey ladies.

i need to know if any of you have done ivf cycles with dr. blaur or heiner at reproductive care center.? and what your experience was like.

and, has anyone looked into SIRM in Las Vegas.. i've heard such good things about them and they have money back guarantees with all ivf cycles (even if you're just doing one).



thanks

ash

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

.i guess i'm the only one here.

well, i guess i'll just keep getting up on this soap box... and everyone can listen.. today was, by far, the worst day of my life. (sort of an exaggeration) but my dr. just called and told me that ZERO of our eggs fertilized. they believe it is an enzyme/receptor problem in which we will need icsi for. if that even works at all. dr richards doesn't have icsi here because they like to keep the costs down and not purchase the big equiptment.

anyway, this $9500 is down the toilet, and if we want to try again we'll have to travel to LA to have icsi done.

i'm just sad.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

well, not such fabulous news here. i had my scan last monday and they said i only had like 4 follicles that would be ready in time for ER. they upped my dose of meds and i had another scan today. only 5. for my age, they say that i may be someone that has diminished ovarian reserve.. not what i wanted to hear, but at LEAST that's some sort of diagnosis, and i'm not crazy for trying ivf. we are still on for monday ER, but we will not have NEARLY as many eggies as we had planned. i'd love for one or two to be great...but i'm cautiously hopeful. going to the temple to pray about it tomorrow, but just wanted to say thanks again.

anyone have problems with ovarian response or reserve??

Sunday, September 13, 2009

.we're doin' it.

IVF that is.

my hubby and i have prayed and prayed about it, and we finally decided to do it. it's been a scary realization that this may not work even after the money is gone. but that's the least of my worries. i'm happy that we're almost to our retreival date. it's been a long haul with all sorts of emotions involved. i LOVE the drs we're seeing, they are one in a million...and brilliant.

anyway, just wanted to say thanks for all the support. our retrieval date is going to probably be next monday the 21st. but we'll see. i have been on bcps, lupron, bravelle, and menopur. i go in for a follicle scan and bw tomorrow. best of luck to everyone on thier journey. if this doesn't work, we're moving onto adoption. thanks again.

ash

Sunday, September 6, 2009

The Story Of Lia....









So I am finally getting around to telling the story of Lia. As most of you know we have two boys that we have been blessed with through adoption. We put papers in for the first time after years of fertility and in Jan. of 2003 we received our first miracle (Cade) in August of 2003. We were so happy we didn’t have to wait forever like we thought we would. We decided to put our papers back in Dec. 2004 knowing that it could take a long time to get a second. We were chosen Nov. 2005 and received our second miracle (Jake) Feb. 2006. We felt so blessed to have two boys only 2 ½ years apart and knew it was truly a miracle to have our family. Jon and I always felt that we should adopt two and then maybe look into doing IVF. So that is what we did. In Dec. 2007 we made the huge decision to do IVF. It was NOT easy to open that door again but we met with our Dr. in Feb. 2008 and did our IVF April-June 2008. It was the hardest thing I have ever done and the result was heartbreaking for us and our families. It was not easy to open our hearts to fertility again and to fail once again was almost more than I could bare. I remember sitting on the couch the day we found out it didn’t work feeling sad and confused but at the same time an incredible amount of peace. I felt in my heart that the Lord had a reason for our IVF not working. Over the next year we tried to move on but a piece of me felt lost. No matter what I did I could not fill the void I felt in my life. I felt so alone and betrayed and wondered why I had to endure another heartbreaking experience with infertility. All I ever wanted was a family and it did not feel fare that I could not have what others seemed to have so easily. Although I was EXTREMELY grateful to have my boys my family felt incomplete. As hard as I tried to have faith and move forward my heart ached. It really took me a long time to pull myself together. I couldn't understand Heavenly Fathers plan and wondered why he had promised me another child if it wasn't really meant to be. I tried to tell myself "maybe in the next life"? But I wasn't asking about the next life I was asking about now!!! Finally after LOTS of soul searching, prayer, family support and faith in Heavenly Father I was able to be content with the void I felt. I came to accept Heavenly Fathers plan for me and believed in him again. I knew that somehow some way Heavenly Father would fulfill his promise of another child. I had put myself out there and had done all I could do the rest was up to him. We had put our papers in for adoption through LDS family services in Nov. 2008 but felt that it would take years if it ever happened at all. I really never thought in a million years we would be chosen again. We told everyone we knew we were hoping to adopt. We put together an adoption blog and had all our friends and family put the link on their blog hoping that somehow some way the right person would find us. We planned on waiting a long time and just felt blessed to have our boys. One afternoon I got a phone call from our case worker telling us there was a Birth Mother in the hospital with pre-term labor at 27 weeks. She asked if we were okay with them showing our file to her. Of course we said YES. I couldn’t get the situation off of my mind. They had told us it was a girl and that was really exciting to think we could have a little girl. I tried not to think about it too much realizing we were only one of the couples being shown to her. I was in Target and couldn’t help but take a look at all the cute girl stuff. Before I knew it my whole cart was full. I hurried and bought it all before I could talk myself out of it. When I got home I couldn’t believe what I had done and quickly put it away in the closet and told myself I would take it back. Well a week later we heard from our case worker again and this time she had GREAT news. She told us that the Birth Mother had looked through all the files and wanted to meet with only us. She felt a strong connection with us but wanted to meet with us in person before she announced she had chosen us. So we met with them that Sat. The meeting we had with her and Lia’s Birth Father was amazing!!!! From the second we walked into the room we felt the spirit so strong and knew without a doubt this was right. We knew her and the Birth Father felt it too. The next day was Mothers Day and when we got home from church we got an email from them asking us to call. So I called Amanda wondering and hoping for the best. She first told me Happy Mother’s Day and then went on to tell me that she had prayed about us again after our meeting and that her and Jason both knew without a doubt this baby was ours. She expressed how she had always known that the baby was meant for someone else but didn’t know how on earth she could place her. She said she knew the second she found us that this was Heavenly Fathers plan. All I could do was cry and give Jon thumbs up. We talked for just a minute and then hung up the phone. Jon and I just kind of sat there in disbelief knowing how wonderful this news was and what it meant for our little family. We quickly called our families and told them all the good news. Everyone was so excited for us and I couldn’t have received a more wonderful Mothers Day gift. So many of my Mothers Days in the past were filled with sorrow and to have such wonderful news on that day meant the world to me. Amanda was able to go home from the hospital on bead rest for the next several weeks. Over that time we developed and very sweet relationship. She has three children of her own so we had a different connection both being mothers. The weeks following were not easy and there were lots of ups and downs but Amanda was so strong through it all. How she did it being on bed rest with three children I will never know, but she did it. She was scheduled to have a C-section on the 10th of July. Her plan was to have us there for the birth and then spend four days in the hospital and take her home for two days making placement July 17th. So we were counting down the weeks and doing all we could do to support her. Wed. June 24th we got a phone call telling us that our little Lia was born. Amanda had gone in for a check up and was sent right to the hospital for an emergency C-section. So we were not able to be at the birth which was sad, but all that mattered is that Amanda and Lia were okay. That Sunday they were discharged and she called to tell us that because she was not able to spend time with her she was going to take her home for a week. We did the only thing we could do and told her that sounded great and that we supported her. We really did support her decision because we love her but it was NOT easy for us. Amanda was so sweet and called us several times to reassure us she was not going to change her mind. I don't know how she was able to give us so much love and support durring that week but she was so good to us. She is truley such an amazing, sweet, courageous person. We met that next Monday and she placed her sweet baby girl in our arms. It was the most amazing day of our lives knowing she was the missing peace and that now our family was complete!!! I know it was the hardest thing Amanda will ever do and through it all she had such a peace about her. She is truly the most courageous woman I have ever known. She knows what it means to be Mother and knew what she was giving up. It was an emotional day but a spiritual day. I can’t describe the peace we all felt knowing without a doubt this was the Lords plan all along. I realized why our IVF didn’t work and WHY we had to endure such heart break, it was to bring Lia into our family. It all made perfect sense!!!! Since that day I have not stopped smiling or thanking my Heavenly Father for this amazing miracle. Most of all I feel humbled and honored to be a part of such an amazing process. Never did we think it was possible to adopt three children all through LDS family services, but here we are. I know there are so many asking how in the world are they so lucky? I really don’t know the answere, but I can say Jon and I have done EVERYTHING in our power to have a family. It has not been easy and we have had to do things we didn’t want to do and have had to put ourselves out there in every possible way. It has been a hard long road but the blessings have been amazing. I wouldn’t trade what we have been through. It has not only brought us our family but it has taught us so much, made our faith grow and shaped us into the people we are today. My hope and prayer is that the same can happen for each of you. The peace and happiness I feel right now is indescribable. Our family is complete and my heart is full. I know you all can imagine how good that feels. I know that I have many more lessons to learn and that my trials are not over, but my sweet babies are here and right now that is all that matters. I hope more than anything that all of you realize and know that it can happen to you too and to never give up on that. Have faith and know your miracle will come. The Lord has a plan for each of us and all he asks of us is to do our part and trust in him!!!!

On another note I have been so busy with my sweet baby that I have totally neglected the SOS!!! I still want this to be a sounding board for all of those who need to be heard and Validated. I think we have all been busy with summer and other things but I hope we can pick back up and make this blog GREAT. So many need our love and support and I hope that they can find it here. I have chosen not to go private hoping to reach out to as many people as possible. I need your help, PLEASE help me keep this going. I would love an update on all of you and what you have been up to. Thanks for all the support you have given me durring a time I needed it most. LOVE YOU ALL!!!


Thanks for reading my story I hope it might help some of you and give you the hope and strength to move forward.
Lots of Love, Kim

Friday, August 7, 2009

first digital scrap!!!!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

.ivf - sooner or later.

well ladies. how've ya been? well my hubby and i had talked about waiting til january to start ivf, but we have recently felt that maybe sooner is better than later. i believe that we will be starting our first ivf cycle in november with the American Fork MD. i wrote about him and his fab success rates a few months ago. well i just had my cousin finish her first cycle with him, and they found out tonight that she is pregnant, with very high hcg levels (maybe twins?)! their success rate this group is 14 of the 15 ladies got pregnant! it just makes waiting that much harder. i'm looking forward to doing it. it is, at least, our best chance of getting pregnant, so the hope is nice for a change. i have had nothing but good things to say about these drs and if anyone would like more info, let me know. plus, they keep the costs very reasonable compared to their competitors. thanks for listening.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

GOING PRIVATE

Okay girls here is the deal,

We have had some crazy people looking at this blog and it is making me feel very uncomfortable. We all have very personal information on here and it make me nervous to think anyone could read it. So I have made it so only we as authors can view this blog. It makes me sad because I would love for more people to be able to view it. In today's world we can not be too trusting. Besides I want this to be a place that we can share our feelings with out having to defend our selves. Please keep spreading the word and if someone would like an invite have them contact me at kim.jon@hotmail.com.

On another note I wanted to let you all know that we have had the AMAZING opportunity of adopting a baby girl. For those of you who don't know we adopted our two boys, did IVF last June that did not work, put our papers in realizing it would take years and hear we are 6 months after approval with a sweet baby girl. When I have more time I will post the whole story. As of right now I am sleep deprived, busy with three kids, still adjusting and LOVING every minute of it. Love you all and hope you know you are all in my thoughts and prayers.
INTRODUCING OUR SWEET Lia Diane

Again thanks to all those who make this blog so wonderful. I started it but you keep it going and for that I am sooooo grateful. Let me know what you all think about going private. I really do think it will be better for us all!

Lots of Love, Kim

Sunday, July 5, 2009

.joy.


hello ladies.
these past few months have been the months of confusion for my hubby and i. we have been dealing with the infamous decision of ivf vs. adoption vs. just waiting. needless to say, it has been torture. it's such a hard choice because it involves so much emotion and obviously money. we have had a hard time feeling like there is ONE right choice and we are lost as to what heavenly father wants us to do. as we fast and pray for answers, we are empowered by the fact that heavenly father doesn't want us to be sad. i had a eye-opening lesson in RS today, it was on joy. the lesson focused on having joy despite our trials and tribulations. as it seems SO hard to find joy in anything when you've been faced with the ugliness of infertility, i'm stregthened by the fact that i have so much to be thankful for, such as, my husband (he is my rock), the best family, great friends, and most importantly my heavenly father, who truly has a plan of happiness tailored just for me. i may find it hard to feel happy every day, but i know that i am so blessed to have what i do have. i know i will be a mother. i just don't know how or when. but i will. thanks so much for this awesome support group. love you. ashley owens

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Progesterone

Hey I am starting progesterone this week -- I have heard from my doc and the home health pharmacist that they are horrible! Is this true? Any suggestions on how to make them less so?

Monday, June 22, 2009

Round Four

Yes, that's correct ladies - we are now on round 4 of our Femara + IUI, which means that I've now had three different opportunities to bite my fingernails into oblivion waiting for the 3-minute "pee-stick" results that I dread.

All negative.  And made especially worse on round 2 when the RE said, "I'll be really surprised if you don't get pregnant this month."  UGH.

When we went in Friday afternoon for a follicle check, things looked good- yet again- but when he told me that he couldn't figure out why it hadn't worked yet, I said something to the effect that this was why we won't do IVF (if nothing is implanting during these treatments, why spend $10,000 to make sure that a fertilized ball of cells snubs my uterus?).   That sparked quite the conversation and I walked out thinking that maybe trying IVF wouldn't be such bad idea after all - even though DH and I had decided long ago that adoption was a better option for us.

I hate infertility because of the doubt that it relentlessly drips into my life, especially the doubt in my ability to receive answers to prayers.

Three cycles down, three to go, and then at least this part is over...

Unfortunately, if these treatments fail, it means that we'll face another decision: Do we attempt IVF or try for another adoption?

Can't we ever have any easy answers?

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

How Kiera came to our family!!

I have not put a post on here for a long time and finally after two years I sat down and wrote Kiera's adoption story. It has taken along time to be able to do this. There were so many emotions involved with Kiera's adoption that every time I tried to write this I could never get it out. So finally I have it on record.

We found out that we had been chosen by Kiera's birth mother Emily on April 17, 2007 and that she was having a girl on June 9th. Dan and I were so excited to have another little girl. We met Emily and her parents and three brothers at a face to face meeting on April 20th, 2007 it was amazing and awesome and scary and spiritual. Emily was a cute little tiny 18 year old girl who was trying to make the very best decision for her unborn child. After meeting with Emily and her family for two hours, her case worker came in and told us that Nathan (the birth father) was in the lobby DEMANDING to see Emily and us, but her parents could not be there. Just to clarify....Emily wanted nothing more to do with Nathan but Nathan was bound and determined to still "HAVE" Emily. So after Emily agreed, we got to meet Nathan. Unlike Emily, he was angry and hostile and rude, not to mention he seemed unable to use any words that contained more than four letters. After meeting with Nathan for an hour he decided that he wanted to meet with just Dan and I. So we took him to Lone Star for a steak dinner. Still very hostile and angry he asked questions about both Dan and I and our back grounds. He wanted to make sure we were good enough to be parents. Now this is really funny because he himself had been in jail quite a few times for drugs, gang stuff and the list goes on and on, and at the time was on probation. But like the nice people that we are we humored him and told him our back grounds. After we told him about us he looked Dan straight in the eye and called him a sissy!!! I guess graduating from high school and college, serving a mission, and being married in the Temple are not too cool. Oh well. We left Lone Star feeling a bit uneasy because of his back ground (that he felt free to share with us), but it is what we go through to get our little angels to our family. After our face to face meeting with both Emily and Nathan we e-mailed back and forth with Emily for a couple of weeks getting to know each other and our respective families. The Saturday before mothers day is national Birth Mothers Day and so we decided to take some flowers to Emily. When we got to the agency to drop off the flowers, Emily and her parents were walking out. It was fun to see them but Emily looked like she had been drug through the mud. She tried her best to reassure us that she was fine and that life was good but we could tell that something was up. Needless to say all kinds of things were running through our head that weekend and on Sunday night we got an e-mail from Emily saying she wanted us to meet with her and her family on Monday for some ice cream so they could meet Kya. We agreed to meet with them the next evening and hoped for the best. When Emily got there she walked up to me and gave me a hug and you could tell that she had something to tell us and she was a bit nervous. Well after all the pleasantries and meeting Kya and trying to get her to talk to them (ha ha), Emily finally told us what had been happening the past week. Nathan (the birth father) had decided that he was going to fight the adoption plan so he could have sole custody of the baby!! He had gone to see a lawyer (which we later found out was only a person who worked at a law office and was not an actual lawyer), threatened Emily in person, by text, and by letter, was stalking Emily at work where he was thrown out by a co-worker once and another time taken by the police, threatened her three little brothers on their way to school, left a death treat for her Dad on his car, and here's the kicker if that is not enough.....promised to hunt Dan down and kick the @#$% out of him until he was DEAD. This was a text that was sent to Emily and thankfully she is a smart girl who saved the text and letters and gave them all to the police when she got a restraining order against Nathan. Poor Emily she had spent the last week talking to a lot of people including the police, a lawyer, her birth parent caseworker, and the head of LDS Family Services about Nathan. No wonder she was so upset. She kept telling us over and over how sorry she was that we were being drug through all of this Nathan mess and she wished that we did not have to deal with him. I felt so bad for Emily, yet through all of this, she was still set to go through with her adoption plan. Two days later our case worker called and told us that Nathan went into the agency and signed his relinquishment papers and that he was done fighting with Emily. Hip Hip Hooray!!! We are done with Nathan...at least that is what we thought at that time. Well things kind of slowed down after all of this for about three days. We got a phone call from Emily on Saturday the 19th that she and her mom thought that she was in labor. They just wanted us to know so that when it was time to go to the hospital we would be ready. Dan, Kya, and I were all packed and ready to go to Chicago on the 21st with our plane tickets in hand. After Dan hung up the phone with Emily, Dan called his boss and told him what was going on and that he would not be able to go to Chicago that week. I was on the phone with the airlines canceling our flights and we were all running around crazy excited. Wow we were going to have our baby soon!!!!!!!!!! That same night Emily called us and told us she had been talking with her doctor and that she was going to try and sleep at home and maybe the contractions would stop or slow down. Emily's due date was still three weeks away so her doctor did not seem to think that she would go that early. Emily did make it through the night but called us at 8:45 am and told us that she was going down to the hospital and asked us to meet her there. We dropped everything and went to the hospital. Kya was dropped off at grandma's house on the way. When we were at the hospital, we got to hear Kiera's heart beat on the monitor and watch the monitor every time Emily had a contraction. It was all very exciting and something that I never thought I would get to do....I heard my baby's heart beat and saw her in the ultrasound. I was very emotional but managed to hold it together :). After five hours at the hospital the nurses did not think that Emily's contractions were progressing enough to keep her at the hospital. They had been three minutes apart for the last eight hours and she had not dilated any in the time she was at the hospital. They gave her a shot for the pain and said if you are in true labor then we will see you back soon, if you are not this shot will stop the contractions and we will see you in a few weeks. We walked out the door with Emily at 2:00 pm and she promised to call if and when anything happened. We got our phone call from Emily at 6:00 pm that same night and she was heading back down to the hospital with more intense and painful contractions. So off we went again. When we got down there, Emily told us that they had already checked her and that she had dilated 2 cm so she was on her way!!!!! When we all got settled in Emily asked if we wanted to come and watch Kiera being born. I thought that would be awesome. Dan on the other hand was about ready to pass out. He did say yes to her and then she asked him to cut the umbilical cord. I seriously thought he was going to go down for the count. The color actually drained from his face and he had to sit down for that. Luckily, Emily's mom saw all of this too and she interrupted Emily with a question to give Dan a minute to compose himself. Surprisingly he said that he would do it. We hung out all evening with her and her family and met some friends and we just had a grand old time. At 10:30 pm the resident OB/GYN came in and said that they thought there was a problem and that they were going to do another ultrasound. They found out that Kiera was in the breech position and coming butt first. They then prepared Emily for an Emergency C-section. They gave her a few minutes to wrap her head around this and to receive a blessing from her dad and Dan and away she went. I have never seen a more relieved man than Dan knowing that he would not have to cut the umbilical cord. I on the other hand was a bit sad that I was not going to be able to watch Kiera being born. Kiera was born at 11:45 pm and was 6 lbs. 11 oz. Emily's mom got to hold her right after she was born while they stitched Emily up. As soon as Kiera was cleaned and taken care of the nurse brought her into Emily's room and walked over to me and said that Emily wanted me to hold her first and to feed her her first bottle.

WOW was all I could think to say and then there I was holding my sweet little Kiera just minutes after she was born and feeding her. What a moment. Between my tears and all the camera flashes I don't think I even saw Kiera, but I most assuredly felt her in my arms.
We left the hospital about 1:30 am and drove home with huge smiles on our faces. We were floating on cloud 9. We picked Kya up at my mom's house and tried to sleep the rest of the night. The next morning Emily called and asked us to come back down to the hospital and to bring Kya with us so that she could meet her new sister.

We got to the hospital around 1:00 pm and had a really great time. It was awesome. The nurses were all so great and supportive of the situation and handled the awkwardness of walking into the room and looking between Emily and myself not knowing who to call MOM!!!! I just need to interject here with a bit on Emily's mom Janice. She was always calling Dan and I the mom and dad. She never encouraged Emily to call herself mom, and she never let the nurses call her mom. Janice was absolutely the solid foundation that Emily needed. Well the day was perfect until Emily's case worker walked in at 7:00 pm and had the most horrified look on her face. Emily's first question was "What did Nathan do?" The case worker told us that at 4:55 pm Nathan went and signed the putative fathers registry, which means that he is fighting for custody. We were all horrified, but Emily's mom and dad just about went through the roof. Poor Emily just sat there in the hospital bed with tears running down her face. Dan was holding Kiera and I looked at him and I could see the same sinking feeling that I was feeling. The first thing I thought was " what am I going to do...I love this baby already and she is mine" I politely excused myself from the room and walked as fast as I could away from that room because I could feel myself losing control of my emotions. I could not stop the tears and I knew for sure that I did not want Emily feeling even worse. After I regained my composure and knew for sure that I was not going to loose my lunch again I called our case worker and she told me that they already knew what was going on and that they were working on a plan of action. She and her boss wanted Dan and I to come into the agency the next day and meet with them. I finally went back into Emily's room and Dan was not looking so good so I took Kiera from him and he walked out for a minute. Finally Janice (Emily's mom) asked if it would be ok if a nurse came and took Kiera back to the nursery so that she did not have to be in there with all the tension. We agreed that was a good idea. Emily's dad called a friend that was a lawyer and he told him that Nathan didn't have a leg to stand on but it might be a good idea to find a lawyer who specializes in adoptions and talk with them. We left the hospital at 8:00 pm and drove home. It was the longest drive of my life. I just wanted to go home and go to sleep and forget about stupid Nathan. All the way home Kya kept asking us when is my sister coming home, I want her to sleep in my room with me and play with my toys, I love my sister she is so cute. I cried the entire ride home my heart was breaking because we did not know what was going to happen with Kiera and now Kya was emotionally connected to Kiera and how do you explain to a three year old that she may or may not have a sister. Well the next morning came and Dan and I were like zombies. We moved but said little, we breathed but just barley. This next part I hate to admit but Kya pretty much took care of herself. She got up and dressed herself, she would get in the pantry and snack on all the snack foods we had bought to take to Chicago when ever she was hungry. Lucky for us, she is great at self entertaining. At 10:00 am we went to the agency and met with our case worker, the head adoption worker, the agency director and the Utah director for LDS Family services. While we were there we consulted with two of Utah's top adoption Lawyers as well as the churches adoption lawyer. What a draining four hour meeting. We were told everything from "everything will be fine" to "it may take a few months to work this out so Kiera will go to a really great foster home until we can work it out" to "Emily may just have to keep and be a single parent". We left that meeting with a the worse case of fear and anger I have ever felt in my life. We went and picked up Kya and to this day I can not remember who she stayed with. Really we are not bad parents, we were just so distraught and had a hard time functioning. We went about the rest of that day just sitting on the couch and walking around our house occasionally. We did not even watch TV which is a big deal at our house because that was around the time that American Idol was closing in on the finale. We all went to bed early with so much dread that another day was on the horizon. We were told that we could not call Emily or the nurses to check on Kiera. We loved Kiera so much and we could not call to make sure she was doing ok. We just felt like our entire world was spinning out of our control. That next morning (Wednesday) at 7:15 am Emily called and told us that Nathan called her a 5:00 am and told her that he would sign the relinquishment papers again but it had to be today and she had to be there. She was so excited but nervous because Nathan is a BIG FAT LIAR. We called our case worker and she said that she would check things out and let us know. At 10:00 am our case worker called and told us that Nathan had promised to sign at 1:00 pm and we were to be there at the agency at 2:00 pm. Emily also wanted to sign her papers and be done with Nathan. We were excited but leery. We got to the agency and low and behold....Nathan had come in to sign his papers but got violently angry and left because Emily would not see him without her Dad present. Can you blame her? They called Nathan on his phone and talked with him and listened to him for a half an hour and he finally agreed to come back in a sign the papers on two conditions. One-Emily had to give him back all the stuff he had ever given her, and two-Emily had to meet with him but only her mom could be in the room but she could not look at him (what a dork). So Emily agreed to those stipulations and the race was on. Having had a C-section only one day earlier she was quite pale and not doing so good. She had to have special permission to leave the hospital so early any way. Oh well she was willing to jump through hoops to get Nathan out of the picture. At 4:00 pm Emily was back with all of Nathan's "Junk" and he rolled in about 4:45 pm. Now all Emily had to do was talk to him and he would sign his papers. Well Emily walked in with her mom and the first thing Nathan tried to do was convince her that she was being manipulated by Dan and I and the agency case workers just to get his baby and that he was not going to give up with out a fight. Emily got so upset and her mom just went off on Nathan. Again Nathan stormed out of the agency with promises to get a lawyer. This time the agency director followed him to his car and talked with him for a while and calmed him down. Nathan finally told the director that he wanted to sign the papers and that he needed to hurry because if he had not done it by 7:00 pm he was going to be arrested. Someone (and he would not say who) had called the police and gave him a run down on all the different things that Nathan had done and that an arrest warrant was out on him. He had until 7:00 pm and then they were going to tell the police where to find him. By this time it was 6:30 pm and the director did not care why he just ushered Nathan back to his office and gave him the papers and he signed them. Hooray!!!! After he signed them he said he had a letter and a necklace that he wanted to give to Dan for Kiera. They walked Nathan into our room and he walked over to us and gave the stuff to Dan and was out the door by 6:45 pm. After he was done, they told Emily what had happened and she told them that she wanted to sign her papers too. They were concerned about her being on pain meds (because there are laws against signing relinquishment's on medication), and she told them that she had not taken any pain meds since Tuesday night. She had gone through this whole ordeal on Ibuprofen just in case Nathan really followed through. She wanted to be clear minded so she could sign her papers too. Now that is what I call a true sacrifice. Emily signed her papers and then after she was done the agency director came in to were we had been sitting with our case worker and told us that it was all a done deal and we finally could see OUR baby and Emily, but that Emily was going to go to a hotel tonight, tomorrow, and tomorrow night with Kiera so that she could have some quality time without any threats or chaos. They planned for a placement on Friday at 10:00 am at the agency. Current time....7:30 pm. We had been sitting in a room at LDS family services for five and a half hours. Emily came in and was so pale and so sick that she could not walk without help from her Dad. Her mom came over and gave me Kiera and we got to hold her and talk with Emily for a little bit. Then at 8:30 pm we left one more time without Kiera, but knew she was ours now. The only thing possible that could go wrong now, was if Emily decided to run away with her. Not likely to happen, but with everything that we had already been through it was lingering at the back of my mind. The next day was spent doing things to keep our minds busy. Dan got up real early and went golfing to keep his mind from wandering...Kya and I went and got mom and daughter manicures and pedicures.

It was so much fun to do that with Kya. After we finished up with those we got home and Dan was there so we packed up and went to the park for the afternoon.
When it was time to go home we stayed busy by getting Emily some gifts for the next day. I was having a bit of anxiety that we had not heard anything for an entire day so I called our case worker and she reassured me that we were still on for tomorrow at 10:00 am. The next morning I was up at 5:00 am and got ready and was out the door by 6:00 am. I went to wal-mart to walk around and get some last minute gifts for Emily. Our case worker called my cell phone while I was in wal-mart and when I saw who was calling I started shaking and just burst into tears. Why would she call me at 7:00 am? My mind was racing. I physically could not answer the phone. I hurried and bought my stuff and left for home. I was driving down our street when Dan called (I could not answer the phone then either). When I walked in the house Dan told me that our case worker had called and that they wanted to push the placement to 11:00 am. I guess what happened was Kiera did not sleep well but was finally sleeping and Emily's mom did not want to wake her so that she could get a few hours of sleep. Emily did not sleep the entire night and was finally sleeping too. OK I can deal with that. NO worries right? Kiera's placement went off without a hitch and it was so awesome yet very emotional.
Finally we brought our baby home and we got to have our happy excited I can't stop smiling moment!!!!!!!

Hello Sister!!

And they lived happily ever after....I wish!! We heard from Nathan many many more times in the next nine months following Kiera's placement. He would threaten to talk to a lawyer, he would threaten Dan and I, he continued to threatened and stalk Emily but in the end he never had a leg to stand on. And so now......WE LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Update

I just realized I hadn't updated on here in quite a while. I've been keeping track of everything on my own blog, but in case anyone was wondering:

After 14 days of shots (3 a day), we had our retrieval on Tuesday. It went ok--in my head, it could've gone better, but our RE thinks it's great. They got 10 eggs, 8 of which were mature and ICSI'd, and 5 of them fertilized normally. Tomorrow morning we're going in to have (most likely) 2 embryos transferred back to me, and hopefully freezing the other 3.

For the mean time, I'm trying to stay calm while doing my progesterone in oil shots (worse than the other ones but still not too terrible) and taking a nauseating antibiotic. I'm nervous for the transfer and praying everything goes ok. I've felt pretty calm this entire cycle, but now all I can think about is how much time, money, emotion, effort, etc. we've invested in this cycle. I have faith that it will turn out how the Lord wants, but that's not necessarily the same as what I want. Here's hoping this month is finally my turn!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

.reasonable IVF.

hey ladies.
i'm not quite ready for IVF, but i have a cousin and a friend who have both used a dr in american fork (dr. richard and dr. marrs) and have both had IVF there. it is almost half the price of the u or rcc. dr. marrs was trained by the guy who made the 2nd ever "test tube baby" so they are reputable. i know their IVF success rates are astronomical and they usually do your inital consultation free. has anyone had experience with these two.?? i'm NOT a fan of my new RE and i'm in the market for a new one.

ash

Saturday, May 9, 2009

My Friend Tamra

Hi Ladies -

It's been awhile since I have posted. I just thought I would share this blog site with you - especially for those who have children through adoption or contemplating it. This blog is written by my good friend Tamra. She is a birth mother - you may have seen her on videos or on written pamphlets at LDS Family services - anyhow she is an amazing woman and offers a lot of perspective of adoption.

Anyhow here is the blogsite: www.eachlifethattouchesoursforgood.blogspot.com

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

2009 Women's Conference

I loved the sessions this year. There was a lot of discussion about choosing faith over fear, in addition to finding contentment no matter what your circumstance or situations may be, and there was a lot of personal experiences shared regarding the trial of infertility.

Julie Beck gave a fabulous talk friday morning (it isn't online yet). She shared a story about visiting her YW advisor before she passed away at the age of 80. And she asked her if she had a good life. Her YW leader told her, " I've had a GREAT life! .... all for except the 10 years I spend trying to create my family." Sister Beck was struck by this comment, as her YW leader had experienced 80 years of life, raised 5 adopted children, lost one child early in life, watching many loved ones pass away and the various challenges and trials anyone may have in life. Sister Beck recognized what a great source of sorrow infertility was to her dear friend and to all those who carry this burden.

I have often wondered why infertility strikes such a deep cord, and I believe it is because our divine nature to create life. As women this is our purpose and when this is challenged, there is great sorrow.

As a mother of two adopted children, the sorrow is not as great as it once was for me. As I yearn for more children in my family .... I have to admit it, I love feeling acknowledged and validated by others who get it because sometimes it feels like the only voices we hear are from those who don't get it.

Enjoy the sisterhood is such a blessing of support!

Monday, April 20, 2009

My Daily Heroin

Yep, that's the name we've affectionately dubbed my Lupron injections. I mean, really, how often can someone say they legally, purposefully mixed up some drugs and injected themselves in an effort to get themselves something they really wanted? Except for us, it's a baby...not a high. But, whatever.

Today is day 2 of the injections, and so far so good. I know this probably makes me weird, but I actually kind of like it. It's kind of fun to feel like a scientist mixing stuff up in a vial and syringe. Plus, I feel like I'm doing something proactive to get our baby here as opposed to months of just waiting.

After a quick game of chicken last night (holding the syringe, with Brian and I arguing back and forth: "You do it. No you do it. No you do it."), I realized that these injections are really no big deal and don't hurt. Getting blood drawn or an IV hurts much worse, and even then those are pretty low key.

So to anyone considering IVF but holding back due to fear, take heart. It really is okay!

Saturday, April 18, 2009

.parlodel.

hey girls..
i told you i'd update you all...
i had my prolactin re-drawn and it went up to 29.7
my dr put me on parlodel (bromocriptine) and we'll
check levels next week. i had my first ultrasound to
check follicle development. i had none on my L side
but i had 4 on my R. they were all decent size, with
the biggest one measuring 15 .. is this good???

I am not usually one that will tell married couples what to do, but I want every married couple that reads this blog to rent or go out and buy this movie. It is amazing. The acting is not the greatest but the message in this movie is incredible... It touched me, made me want to work even harder on my marriage. My marriage is great, but there is always room for improvement, like any marriage.
This movie showed me what love truly means. I need to love my husband as much as the Savior loves me. That is the true definition of love.
I hope you will take my advise and take a minute out of your busy lives, sit down with you spouse and watch this film. I know it will impact you as much as it has impacted me. You don't need to be having a rough patch in your marriage to want to watch it, but it will make you want to improve.


Thursday, April 16, 2009

Happy Progress

Hi all! Well, it looks like things are marching along swimmingly for our IVF. Woohoo! Finally some good news, right?

Today we had our Lupron class, where a nurse taught us all about the different injections I get to have over the next few weeks. All I can say about that is that if I have a problem with needles, I'm going to have to get over it quickly! The Lupron looks easy enough, and even the Follistim or Gonal-F didn't look too bad. The Repronex scared me a bit because the nurse admitted that it's usually the most painful. I'm not worried about the hCG because I've had it before. The biggest bummer was the progesterone--turns out if we're lucky enough for this to work, I'll have to have it daily up to at least 8 weeks of pregnancy and possibly 10. Yikes! But, of course, totally worth it. I was reading the other day how almost any woman would say theoretically that she'd do anything for her child, but we women who are experiencing infertility are already doing practically anything and everything! Look at all the stuff we're doing just to get a baby here!

We also had a trial transfer, where our doctor simulated the transfer of embryos to check the depth of my uterus and make sure there weren't any problems getting a catheter fed through to the top of my uterus. It was just like an IUI (relatively painless), and went smoothly.

Oh, and we found out I'm immune to Rubella, am not a carrier of Cystic Fibrosis, have normal TSH (thyroid) levels, and O+ blood (which I already knew, but I guess it had to be documented by a lab), meaning no Rh factor issues.

I start the injections on Sunday. I'm a little nervous about my ability to inject myself (hopefully I'm not a wimp). But I am so so so excited to get this process going!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Educating Others

Here are a few awesome tidbits from conversations we've had with people unfamiliar with infertility and its treatment. It's my hope that by talking about infertility with other people, it will seem less weird and taboo, and even those who aren't dealing with it will be better educated about it.

Conversation #1:

Person: "So, you're doing in vitro?"
Me: "Yep, we start next Sunday."
Person: "I just don't know how I feel about that stuff. I guess if it were me I'd just want a normal pregnancy."
Me: "I want that too. Fortunately, if it works, that's exactly what we'll have."
Person: "Wait, you mean after the procedure it's a real, normal pregnancy?"
Me: "Well, yes. What did you think? Nine months from now the techs will remove our baby from the test tube and we'll pick him or her up from the lab?"

Conversation #2:

Person (who doesn't know we are doing in vitro): "So, you guys want to have a baby?"
Me: "Yes, we have for quite a while now."
Person: "Well, let me know when you're pregnant. I can recommend an awesome midwife. She's a big believer in all-natural pregnancy and childbirth. She'd never accept a patient who did freakish, totally unnatural stuff like that crazy California lady who had 8 kids. I mean, what has happened to society that we let doctors play God and create artificial life? If the Lord wants someone to have a baby, He'll let her get pregnant. We shouldn't be interfering."
Me: "Um, well, Brian and I are actually beginning in vitro next week. So I guess I won't be needing that referral."
Person (obviously uncomfortable): "Uh, no, I guess not. I mean, she's all about natural...and you guys are going about as far away from that as possible!"
Me: "Yep, and we're THRILLED! Wish us luck!"

Friday, April 10, 2009

Quick Update

So after a LOT of calculations, prayer, deliberation, aggravation, frustration, and worry, we have decided to go ahead with in vitro this month! Wahoo!

We have our Lupron class on Thursday, then we begin injections next Sunday. I am so excited! Isn't it funny how you can pour your heart out in prayer, begging for an answer, and worrying that you haven't received one yet...until all of a sudden you do? We really couldn't decide if it was smart to do it this month. With the bills for my surgery rolling in, plus our insurance deductible increasing to $8,000, on top of the $13,000 IVF with ICSI will cost, we were worried that we just couldn't swing it. Plus Brian has been worried about the security of his job given that his employer is a general contractor, and the construction industry is pretty crappy right now. Is it smart to spend all this money if he's going to be out of a job in a few months?

I have been so frustrated, often resorting to thoughts that idiotic 16-year-old girls don't have to spend thousand of dollars to get pregnant, so why do I? Isn't wanting a family a righteous desire?

I have no idea how we did it, but last month, without really trying, we saved $3,000 more than we normally do. Then Brian spoke to his boss, who reassured him that the company is doing fine, and even if it was struggling, Brian would be one of the last people they'd ever think of laying off. That was what we needed! Our prayers were finally answered. For me, it reaffirmed my testimony that the Lord really knows our hearts individually and will help us find a way to overcome our trials and accomplish our goals. I know we're still far from our goal of a family, but this was a critical step. Now, onward...

Monday, April 6, 2009

.prolactin.

hey everyone..
i had my CD 3 blood work done yesterday and everything is normal except my prolactin level was 28.4. i believe the normal range for this hormone is less than 26.

i am going back this week to get it re-drawn just to make sure it's accurately high.

anyone had experience with elevated prolactin??

ash





Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Here We Go (Probably, Maybe, Hopefully)

So I went in today for my post-op follow-up appointment. I just thought our doctor would check out my nicely healing incisions and send me on my merry way. But apparently things looked good enough that he sent me to the nurses to set up our in vitro schedule.

Wait a minute, I thought. We were supposed to wait until June or even July! But I guess the combination of my quick healing, the long (6+ weeks) process of in vitro, and the medicine I've been on since a week before the surgery that allows us to transition straight to in vitro without wretched birth control pills, means we can actually get started the week after Easter. That's less than 3 weeks away!

I know it seems crazy, but I had just resigned myself to waiting until summer. Now all of a sudden it's here again. It seems so fast! We're not 100% sure we're going to start in April (surgery bills + huge deductible + crazy expensive non-insurance-covered IVF=hemorrhaging money), but the possibility is there. I am really excited, scared, nervous, and almost afraid to hope--afraid to hope that we'll actually get to to do it, that the process will go smoothly, and that I'll actually get pregnant. Infertility is such a dang rollercoaster, but at least I might have the chance to get off it!

Friday, March 20, 2009

The end of the beginning

So I'm hoping that I'm safe posting again after my hiatus (due to the fracas with people linking through my blog), because I need to share.

We went in two months ago to start up clomid and IUIs again, and at the 14 day point, the RE checked my lining and follicles and didn't like what he saw.  So we scrapped that cycle and decided to try a different drug, Femara.  Long story short, we did the Femara, I had one good follicle and we did an HCG trigger shot along with an IUI.

Today was the big pregnancy test day and so, naturally I spent all of yesterday worrying about it.  Can I just say how much I hate taking pregnancy tests?  Nothing, and I mean NOTHING can get me more worked up than having to go and buy these stupid pee sticks, only to worry about whether it's going to be positive or negative and then thinking about all the worries or the relief I'll feel about either result.  UGH!  I swear my head would just start spinning and fly right off my shoulders if it could!

So after having nightmares about positive results and negative results, I just dragged my butt out of bed and took the test.  And the result?

We are now officially $700 poorer with nothing but information to show for it.

*Sigh*

I know the success rate peaks out at six months of drug therapy + IUIs, but I'm not sure my head (or my heart) can take 5 more months of pre-test freak-outs.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

.questions.

hey girls.

i just had my first appt with my re and i'm very happy with how things went. we have a game plan and that's exactly what we need. he feels that my cycles are a little irregular (short luteal phase) even though i ovulate every month. i will be going in to have my CD 3 labs drawn because my OB/GYN never did those. We also may do the Kruger's strict morphology for my hubby if my labs are normal.

i just have a few questions about costs.

first, how much are all the labs and how much is the krugers test? i'm sure the costs are minimal, but just want to be aware before we go in. any help would be appreciated.

ash

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Hilarious

Ok, I thought this was way too funny not to share:


Sunday, March 15, 2009

Info for the Uninsured

This information has been shared on a website I visit so I just wanted to pass it along for those who are also out of pocket for IVF.

Fertility Lifelines has a specific program called “Compassionate Care”. This program is through the Serono drug company (makers of Gonal-F, Ovidrel etc). If you qualify for their program you can get a portion of your IVF cycle drugs for one cycle for free. Before applying for this program you will want to make sure that your RE would be willing to put you on a protocoll with their meds.


When you call ask for their compassionate care program and they will do a pre-screening before they send you an application. You will have to send them your tax 1040’s, the last 2 pay stubs from your household, and have your insurance card handy because they will call to verify that you have no insurance coverage. If you are accepted into their program they will send the drugs directly to your RE.

(I’ve heard through the grapevine that they accept about 75% of those that apply. There is an income cutoff which they don’t advertise. I’ve asked around if anyone knew what it was and was told they can't say specifically because it's different for everyone depending on where you live. Someone mentioned an adjusted gross income less than 100K but I can't verify the truth of that.)

the number is:
1-866-538-7879
(1-866-LETS-TRY)

I’ll be sending in an application as soon as we get our taxes done this year. A couple of ladies on another board I visit have been able to get free med’s for a cycle, which has been a big help. I don't know if we'll qualify or not, but it's worth a try. I'm crossing my fingers :)

Friday, March 13, 2009

Who is this guy?

Thought you would like this inspirational story that will be shared on "Music and The Spoken Word" this weekend. 

"Henry J. Kaiser was a PROBLEM SOLVER. Born to a German shoemaker in upstate New York, he eventually became the father of American shipbuilding. Along the way, he learned to see a problem not as a roadblock but as a chance to learn something or to create a new way of doing things.
"PROBLEMS," he said, "ARE ONLY OPPORTUNITIES IN WORK CLOTHES."
Henry Kaiser had an opportunity to demonstrate the truth of this saying early in his career when the construction company he was working for unexpectedly went out of business. Where other would see only a problem, Henry saw an opportunity-he decided to take on one of his former company's unfulfilled contracts himself. He finished the project ahead of schedule, and before long the Henry J. Kaiser Company was born.
From there he created companies that paved roads, manufactured steel, and built houses. Throughout these many ventures, Henry J. Kaiser continued to see in every challenge a chance to move forward and find a better way.
LIFE IS FULL OF PROBLEMS. Opposition is not only unavoidable, it is essential. Without opposition, without problems, big and small to test or resolve and stimulate our thinking, we would accomplish very little. Muscles do not grow without resistance, and neither do people.
Men and women often do their best when faced with what seems at first to be an overwhelming problem. So much good, so many great discoveries and new ideas have come from efforts to overcome problems that stood in the way of worthy goals.
No one likes a problem, but the day may come when we can recognize it as a blessing in disguise. No matter how frightening it seems, if we strip away the mask of trouble, we will find the smiling face of opportunity."


To read the rest of the story visit: http://musicandthespokenword.com/messages/

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Hello

Hi everyone,

I've been lurking a little bit and thought I would finally post. My name is Greta, and my husband and I have been married for 4 years. After about a year of trying, we found out that it was impossible for us to have children the natural way. In a way, in the world of infertility, it could be seen as a good thing, because at least we know for certain that there are no feritility treatments that will ever be able to help us. In other way, it's devastating, because there will never be any hope of it. I wish there was a treatment we could try. But, at the same time, there are no treatments we can try--so it definitely narrows it down!

We started the adoption process last fall, and we are looking and waiting for our child. The process to come to the decision to adopt was a long one. I thought I would post because I still feel worried about it sometimes and have feelings of doubt. Sometimes I wonder if we were really meant to have children. But, then, sometimes I can't imagine a life without providing a loving home for a child. I think all of those feelings are natural. I think everyone haves them, even if they don't have any trouble having kids. It's so hard to know what to do when you are faced with infertility, and it compounds those uncertain feelings, I think. But, I try not to worry too much, and to know that the Lord will guide us, and He will let us know if there is something we should or shouldn't do. But, it's really hard sometimes. These decisions certainly aren't easy.

Well, anyway, I would be interested to hear about any adoption experiences! It's been nice to read your posts.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Introduction

Hi ladies! Thanks for letting me join the blog. I 'll start by introducing myself. I am Katy and I am 25. We live in Southeast Idaho. I have been married 6 years and we have a wonderful four year old daughter. We had no trouble getting pregnant with our daughter and we also got pregnant with a second after only 6 months of trying. Unfortunately that pregnancy ended in miscarriage at the beginning of our 2nd trimester. We have now been trying 3 years, we have our adoption papers in and are trying different fertility treatments. The doctors say everything is working and we should be getting pregnant but I am guessing the Lord has other plans. We recently tried a natural IUI cycle and it didn't work. We are going in for more blood tests and discuss our options next week. I get so tired of this emotional roller coaster. I have a really hard time watching my daughter grow up with no siblings. I also get tired of all the well meaning comments or advice. It just discourages me. I have a question to all those that have adopted or considered adoption... Did you ever go back and forth on your decision?
Sometimes I feel strongly that we are supposed to adopt and then I get scared and then I am not sure that that is what we are supposed to do. Then I will get strong feelings towards trying different fertility treatments and I just get confused when they don't work. I don't know if this is making any sense but if any of you have any insight I would sure appreciate it!

Anyway that is me!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Cautious

Have any of you started down the infertility path but been unwilling to tell family members or friends about it?  When we did treatments seven years ago we told most of our families and friends what we were doing and got tired of the constant "well-meaning" comments (i.e., "I know this will work" or "Are you pregnant yet?" or worst of all "I don't know what you're worried about" right before we found out that our baby had died.)

Well, some people close to us know that we've been to the RE, but I found out recently that some friends I'd rather leave in the dark actually read this blog (by linking through my blog - which I've now changed) so now I am hesitant to post ANYTHING for fear we'll start getting those well-meaning comments all over again.

Am I being silly, or have any of you felt like this?

Sunday, March 8, 2009

My Intro (dd mentioned)

Thank you for allowing me to say hi, I’ve enjoyed this blog so much! Hopefully anyone else who is new can also introduce themselves also. My name is Tamara, age 29 and my hubby and I live in the SLC valley. Been married eight years, TTC since 2003 and have never experienced a pregnancy. Our dx is male factor, specifically tetrazoospermia which basically is low counts, poor progressive motility and he has 0% morphology (all the wrong shape). We’ve had one failed IUI and then shortly after learned that IVF w/ ICSI is the only option we really have fertility wise.

After trying for four years we came to a crossroads of trying IVF or pursuing adoption. From the start we felt very guided by the spirit that we were supposed to pursue adoption at that time. I could write a novel about our adoption experience but to spare you all here it is in a nutshell. Started paperwork 06/2006, approved 01/2007, started emailing with her bmom 05/2007, officially matched 07/2007, and DD born in late 10/2007. Boy that makes it seem so simple which is wasn't! Her birthfather contested two weeks after placement and I spent four months in Michigan in a legal mess waiting for hearings, court trials etc because ICPC wouldn't clear us to come home. Being a new mom was the most wonderful experience, but those early months were greatly overshadowed by the legal mess and we weren’t certain that we’d be able to keep her. It was very hard. I would love to adopt again but I feel like I’m driven by so much fear. Fear in a failed match or placement, crazy birthfathers, another long uncertain match time, you name it. I don’t want to be hurt again. Once bitten twice shy right?

So that’s a bit of our history. We are preparing now to try IVF for the first time in a few months. We’ll most likely be cycling up at the U and even had our IVF consultation a few weeks ago. I’ve been spending hours online looking at different clinics trying to find the best bang for the buck that comes with good success rates. That’s a whole other topic for another post! I see there are a lot of people here with male factor. Have any of you done DNA fragmentation testing? If we go to the U we’d only really be able to afford one or “maybe” two cycles. But that would essentially drain us of all of our savings outside our retirement. Option 2 is to go to a clinic out of state that I found that is essentially the same price for the first cycle, but they offer a greatly discount rate for cycles 2 or 3 if you need them. But then there’s all that travel. I can’t really stomach the idea of paying the U’s $25K for a shared risk cycle, but we don't have anywhere near that amount saved up anyway. So I don’t know what to do! I hate that we have to spend this kind of money on these sorts of things.

Well that’s me in a nutshell. Nice to “meet” you all!

Friday, March 6, 2009

This is so true, and yet wouldn't it be fabulous if we could pick the time and season?

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

IVF Let Down

So, we went in for our IVF consultation today to begin the IVF process. After going over everything with us, our doctor said he just wanted to do a quick ultrasound, then he'd prescribe me birth control pills to begin taking with my next cycle so they could take control and manipulate it with IVF medications. He was extremely positive and thought that given my age and Brian's sperm (despite its limitations and problems), our chances of achieving pregnancy would be really good.

Unfortunately, things didn't go so well with the ultrasound. My right ovary and uterus looked normal, as usual, but not so much with my left ovary. Last July when I had my last ultrasound, he noted what appeared to be a small endometrioma/cyst on my left ovary. But he said it was probably no big deal and it didn't matter since he could see eggs being produced in that ovary. Well today the first thing he said when looking at it was "Whoa!" The small cyst had tripled in size in just 7 months, going from the size of a raisin to the size of a strawberry (2 cm to 6 cm). Incidentally, over the past year, since my cycle has regulated to about 30 days, my period have become extra painful. I just figured I was being a wimp and it has just been too long since I'd had periods that frequently (before being on the birth control shot when I was a newlywed). But I guess there was/is a reason for the pain.

So, instead of starting right now on IVF, our doctor recommended laparascopic surgery to drain and cauterize the huge cyst. Then I have to take medications for 3 months while it heals before we can start IVF. I know this is for the best and all, but I guess I had just gotten my heart set on doing this in March, and now we have to wait until June. Why is this stuff so dang frustrating?!

Monday, February 23, 2009

I NEED TO VENT!!!

Can I just scream for all of us....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Really this whole trial of faith and patience is so frustrating. Most days I can deal with it but today I am not doing so good. I just want to freak out! I know that my problems are so small in comparison to what others go through but the load feels so heavy at times. I am always putting on a brave face and pretending that I am doing okay. Most the time I am but there is ALWAYS this hole in my heart. I ache for another child and wish so badly I had a little control over this area of my life. So what should I be doing? Is there more I could be doing? Is my best good enough? These are all questions I lye in bed and ask myself. It makes me so sad to think I could have a week old baby right now if our IVF had worked. But that would have just been to easy, right. Although I feel I have moved on from the let down of our failed IVF there is no moving on from the fact I want another child. My heart reminds me every day that something is missing. It is just so hard that I can't do a thing about it.. I know that in the end this will all make perfect sense but what do I do with this hole in my heart untill then? I tried shopping but that didn't even help.

What to do?????

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

.my hsg results.


i need your opinion ladies..


i had my hsg this morning and the test itself wasn't too bad. yes, some cramping, but tolerable. anyway, i'm kinda wondering what my results mean. i had my test done in the outpatient radiology dept by a PA..and so i don't have the official results. anyway, the pa was having a very hard time getting my right tube "open." yes, it did finally show dye as did the left tube but he said he used 13 ml of dye and the "normal" open hsg he usually uses 6 ml. maybe i'm being neurotic about this, but doesn't that seem like that may have been the problem??

i guess the good news is both my tubes are open and no apparent uterine abnormalities were found. but i'm thinking now maybe we should just "try" naturally for the next 3 months since maybe the problem is fixed.

what do you think?? still go to my RE appt in the next couple weeks, or wait and see what happens.


thanks, ash

Friday, February 13, 2009

Healthy BOUNDARIES

Today at lunch, I jumped on the emotional bandwagon today and got heated about appropriate boundaries. My intention is not to offend, so please forgive if i did, but to help me clarify for myself and maybe help others who has struggled with the issue of boundaries.

The difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship is setting and maintaining of clear boundaries and expectations. The most intriguing part to me is how in theory (or on paper) they are so clear and easy to see, however in reality much harder to understand and difficult to maintain.

In my life I have struggled with boundary issues. Where are the lines? Who is drawing them? What feels right? Do they need to adjust? Why are they continually challenged?? And so on ...

There are great lessons here for us to learn in pondering what our bondaries are ... whether it be in balancing our marriages, working with co-workers, fulfilling our callings, supporting our extended family, associating with birth mothers and most importantly in raising our kids. This is what I have learned (thus far ... i am sure there is more learning opportunities to come!!)

I CANNOT TAKE ON:
BLAME/RESPONSIBILITY for the life others create
GUILT for not being able to change things – they created it, they are the only ones who can change it
Someone else’s PAIN – the only person who can truly do this is the Savior
DRAMA – I can’t ride the roller coaster ride with others when I am on my own ride
CHANGE - I can't change something I didn't create


WHAT I CAN OFFER:
LOVE – true appreciation, gratitude and heart felt love for others
ENCOURAGEMENT – help others remember and find their strengths and truths in life
EMPATHY – my tender heart hopes to recognizes and be sensitive to others sorrows
SHARED EXPERIENCES – connecting about life’s journeys and lessons learned
HOPE - we can create better lives when we have faith (faith in our Savior creates hope, possibilities and purpose when they may not otherwise be any.)

Now if I could only remember these lessons learned when discipling my kids, I would not take on the guilt or responsibility of their bad choices. I am working on this and hope in a couple years I will be better at keeping my boundaries clear and fortified.

If you have any recommendations for creating or maintaining boundaries, please share. Or if you have created your own set of limits and offerings. I am interested in learning.

Lots of love - addie

Thursday, February 12, 2009

.an appt.

hey everyone..
it's me, ashley. i just wanted to say thanks for the advice to see an RE without wasting anymore time on the OB/GYN. i have successfully made an appointment with the RCC in sandy. it seems that most of you have either been there or recommend it. i'll be seeing one of the MDs there in a couple weeks after i get my HSG next week. if you guys have any specific advice or heads up about what to expect or what to take to the appt i would greatly appreciate it. thanks again.

love ash