Gave a talk on Mother's day in my ward. Lots of quotes from Sheri Dew and if anyone wants to read it, its located here. It is kinda long, though.
Anywho, if you do actually click on over, please be careful what you post as what I'm about to say is still pretty confidential, and I don't want my family and friends freaking out because I didn't tell them...
Erica (my daughter's birth-mom) called Monday night. She found out on Mother's Day that she is pregnant, but her fiance broke up with her about a month ago. She is FIVE months pregnant, and still unsure about what she's going to do. She's in the Navy right now, going through school (in Chicago at the Great Lakes Naval Training Center) for her specialty. She isn't going to get kicked out for being pregnant, and it kind of sounded like she's thinking about parenting, although she did tell her mom (I talked to her yesterday) that she thought we would only be interested in adopting her baby if it is a boy. (Which isn't the least bit true.)
But I need some help here. Have any of you had birth-mothers that lived out-of-state? How did you handle the distance in the relationship? Any ideas would be helpful! I hope you all are doing well!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Lots of impossible stuff...
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3 comments:
Hi, are you talking about placement or the relationship after? Our daughter's bmom is from a few hours south of Chicago and we are in Utah. Placement was a whole other can of worms but it's really worked for us having the distance. It's allowed us to have an open adoption without being crazy-wide open (no offence if that is anyone's arrangement... it's just works best for our family). Most of our contact is through emails and the occasional phone call. She has flown out several times for visits (about once a year) and I send packages for important occasions. We don't hear from her much anymore but she does have access to our blog.
We actually recently found out our DD's birthmom is expecting again and is planning on parenting. She will be turning 19 soon. She's a member and had really turned her life around after placement of our daugher 2 1/2 years ago. So it's been really hard to hear that she hasn't been active lately, is now living with her boyfriend, and purposly got pregnant. We've been pretty dissapointed about the news. Heartbroken really. All the reasons she placed our daugher seem kind of empty when they would apply to the situation she's now in. She really wants to be a mom, I just wish she would have gone about it the right way (or at least married the guy... that would be a start).
Let us know how things go or if you have any other questions.
Beck, I have never had a Birth Mother in a different State but I would treat it the same as any other relationship. Of course seeing her in person will be hard but I would just try to be there for her right now, and let her know that if she does decide to place you hope she would choose you. It can be hard to put yourself out there like that but you would never want her to think you would not be interested if that is the choice she made. It can be a tricky thing but hopefully you already have a good relationship and you can be open and honest with eachother. I can't imagine a Birth Mother wanting to place with someone else when they know their child could be with a blood sibling. I have found in my experience that by being honest and opening your heart to the possiblitie only gets you closer to recieving the miracle of another child. Good Luck with everything and keep us posted.
It is so good to hear from you, have you talked to Kerith lately?
Kim,
I emailed Kerith a while ago, and she emailed me back but haven't seen hide nor hair of her out in the blogosphere for a LONG time.
I'll give more info about the adoption situation in my next post--coming SOON! :)
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