Hi girls! I hope you all had a fun Halloween and enjoyed Election Day yesterday. I'm posting today because until recently, I hadn't been thinking all that much about our infertility. No, nothing's different with our situation. We're still saving our pennies for either in vitro or adoption early next year. Even though it seems far away, I've been at peace with it...until recently. I know a lot has been said in the media about Proposition 8 in California, which the Church supported. On the other hand, for a multitude of reasons, I did not. Do I still believe in and sustain my Church and its leaders? Of course. I just disagreed (not like it even mattered, since I don't live in California). For the most part, I kept my opinion on such a controversial issue to myself. But when pressed, I admitted that I did not support Prop 8. That's when the firestorm began.
I was told, by more than one person, that the reason my husband and I are infertile is because I am disobeying the Lord by opposing Prop 8. I was told that if I was more faithful and did not dissent or murmur, maybe then I would be worthy enough to become a mother. Ouch. Other women I know have been told that clearly they're not being faithful enough, or paying enough tithing or fast offerings, so that's why they're infertile. Girls, I hope that despite political differences, we can all agree that the Lord just doesn't work like that. I don't think we're punished or rewarded with children according to our politics or other matters. Otherwise, how do you explain all the out-of-wedlock, drug-and-alchohol-fueld pregnancies that occur constantly? So, to anyone who's had similarly insensitive and/or rude things said to them, take heart. The Lord I know, the one who speaks to me through the sweet whisperings of the Spirit, doesn't do that. He loves us all, and infertility is not a punishment.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Ouch
Posted by Hillary at 11:34 AM
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3 comments:
This makes me so mad... How can anyone think that. People are so stupid, do they really think that honestly? All of us have our different trial, and infertility is my trial, and I am ok with it. I know my Heavenly Father loves me and he is not punishing me. But good heavens I hope people get educated and really think before they speak.
I hope for the ignorant people that think biological issues come from unworthiness never have to deal with loss or pain. Actually sometimes I hope they get a huge dose of it, but for the most part I think their brains are not capable of working through the situation. I came to terms many years ago that infertility is not a punishment and children are not given to people based on their righteousness. On another note, I am curious why you do not support prop 8? I like hearing points on the other side of issues I believe in--helps to keep me well-rounded (like I need help being round after all this Halloween candy :)) Thanks for sharing.
I should be shocked. I mean, honestly shocked. The ignorance and insanity of the 'suggestion' as to the root of your infertility is nothing short of horrific, and yet, I'm not overly surprised.
Comments like these are often based on the age-old fallacy that 'bad things happen to bad people', or if there is a struggle in your life it simply must be attributed to your own lack of faith and/or righteousness.
Come on people - REALLY?
My hubby and I have been told on occasion that if we only had more faith, we would conceive a child. Hmmm... if I took this principle and applied it to other people's circumstances, this is how absurd it would look:
1. My Deaf brother should have more faith, then he could hear. In fact, if he had been living righteously at age 2, he would never have developed the spinal meningitis that lead to his deafness.
2. My friend who is in a wheelchair must have done something to bring this upon herself, and she could fix it if she wanted to.
3. Starving and abused children around the world must lack faith and be full of sin.
4. The family that was killed by a drunk driver is obviously at fault because something bad happened to them.
WRONG.
Each life is filled with struggle, adversity, and complexity. Each life also has a plan, one that has been laid out by our Heavenly Father. We cannot always see that plan, but I will testify that those who are met with circumstances in life that are simply out of their control, are often the ones who develop the greatest faith and peace as they work through resolving and comprehending these trials.
The one dishing up the side of judgement is probably somewhat misguided and struggles with faith him/herself. These comments are tough to ignore, but we must.
When I find myself in a situation like you have just encountered, I continually remind myself that Christ came to this earth and his life had a specific plan, just as each of ours have. He was judged, mistreated, hated, and crucified.
And he was perfect.
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