Yesterday, I had an unusual experience at church.
We had a combined YW lesson on Divine Nature, of which there is a discussion about the divine role and stewardship of mothers. We have a few leaders who brand new babies. Our teacher presenting the lesson asked one of these mothers (Brooke) to share her thoughts on "the stewardship or motherhood". Being a young mother with a new baby, she went to feed her child during the lesson. Before leaving, she leaned over and asked me if I would help out by sharing my thoughts.
When it came time for the this part of the lesson our teacher asked if Brooke was here. I then replied, she had to feed the baby and I was happy to step in when ready. Awkwardly, she asked me if I knew what the assigned topic was. I said Brooke asked me to share my thoughts on the role of mothers. Our teacher than introduced the topic of motherhood, and then asked (avoiding any eye contact with me and directly looking at the other leaders who have born biological children) "if there are any mothers willing to share their experiences of having a child." She started her discussion by sharing of her "sacred" experience of having a spirit child in her body and then looking into this little child's face at birth and what a wonderful opportunity that has been. She then asked again if anyone was willing to share - only one offered comments regarding the unique experience of being able to tell how different each spirit child was by each individual pregnancy. Then she moved on to the rest of the lesson.
I handled myself fairly well, only let out a few silent tears. Even enjoying the rest of what was shared. After class, I felt fine and was ready for the next thing. Which happened to be temple recommend interviews. I was waiting in line, when my YW Pres. came over and validated my role as a mother and recognized my offerings in this discussion are of the same value as those who have born children.
In 5 years, I haven't been this caught of guard by someone's narrow view of motherhood.
Am I not a mother? Is my stewardship any different? Isn't my divine purpose of motherhood the same as others?
YES! YES!! AND YES!!!
Monday, September 15, 2008
Are You My Mother?
Posted by Addie at 7:59 AM
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8 comments:
Oh Addie.....You are a mother in every aspect of the word, as are all the rest of us who are raising our Heavenly Fathers children. No matter how these children come to our families. I would like to say I am surprised by the way this person views motherhood, but sadly I am not. I am just really sorry that she acted like that towards you. You are so sweet and loving and one of the greatest mothers I know. Lots of love addie.
I am really saddened by your experience. I would have thought that the people in our church would be much broader interpetation of motherhood than what was shown. I hope she will someday truly understand the role of being a mother.
Just reading that made me want to go smack that woman for you!
Unfortunately some people (even within the church) think that adoption is not "normal" and that those of us who are infertile should just accept the trials we've been given (meaning never have children, and "get over ourselves"). Which all of us know is just garbage. I am sure that each of us has the same feeling about our children being meant for us, and that they just came to our families in a different way than most children.
You know you are a mother, no matter how your motherhood came about. It's just sad that people with no understanding of adoption think that bringing children into your family is a sacred experience that is reserved only for those who give birth.
Hooray for those of us who know differently!
Oh Addie that breaks my heart I would never had thought anyone would be that clueless I am so sorry. That seriously made me want to cry. But as long as you know the truth that you are a mother that is all that matters
I could say a few swear words but I am a better person than that!!!!!!!
What on earth was she thinking. I don't understand why people thnik that those nine months are the most important part of having children. What about all the sleepless nights, potty training, major fits in the store, scraped knees, nursing them when their sick,and poop all over the walls.......I could go on and on. It is one thing to give birth but it is another to raise that child. And not only raise them but teach them and love them and have patience with them. This chick really needs a lesson on what it means to be a mother and pull her head out of her you know what.
Did I just say all of that???
I think I did and maybe I shouldn't have. But no one hurts my friend and gets away with it... and besides I do feel a little better.
I love you Addie and I think you are such an amazing woman and mother. We are mothers in ever sence of the word and I don't know how anyone could think any different. Adoption is part of our Heavenly Fathers eternal plan. And what a wonderful plan it is!!!!!!!
Addie, I feel lucky we are not in the same ward so that I do not have to worry about causing a scene. That is seriously one of the most hurtful things.
I'm here to tell you that I've done it BOTH ways and I am the same mother to each of my children. Yeah it was cool to be pregnant with Brynn and I won't take away from that, but that is not what made me a mother. 4 years before I a became a mother with my SON Parker. I fed him, loved him, played with him, worried for him. I taught him about Heavenly Father and Jesus. That is my role as a mother. I will do the same things to Brynn. So why am I a mother to Brynn and not to Parker?
Thank you for being so strong. I am so glad you know already what it takes! I'm sorry you had to go through that! I hope she doesn't really understand what she did and one day she will truly be able to learn what it means to be a mother!
Addie,
In my experience, it is always those that are less educated and less secure with themselves that are unable to comprehend anything beyond their own world.
If anything, I feel sorry for this woman who not only has some serious esteem issues surrounding her own self perception, but is also living life with such a miniscule and peripheral perspective.
Though we all seek validation and acceptance from those with whom we surround ourselves, it is unlikely that we will receive it unless those people have already lived it, or have experienced something similar enough that has filled them with compassion and understanding.
You know who you are as a Mother and a Woman. Even though other's actions may sting and swell within, they cannot take that knowledge from you.
That being said - I'll bring the pillowcase if someone provides a shovel!
(I oppose violence in all form, so perhaps a small garden tool instead?)
Keep your chin up and remember that only the strongest can walk the narrow path.
Can I become a contributor? My name is Emily and my husband and I just started in with this whole infertility thing. bennett.emily@gmail.com
My other comment is on this post. It's so unfortunate that even in the church that women have such a narrow view of motherhood. It's happened in my ward as well although my experiences have been nothing compared to this one. We just have to remember that the Church is perfect but the members aren't. It's just hard to remember these things while on Clomid...right?
Love, Em
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