My turn

First, I just wanted to say what a wonderful idea this blog is. I think for many years infertility wasn't talked about and was kept hidden. I never heard of anyone struggling to get pregnant when I was growing up. But I think things are different now, and slowly infertility is coming "out of the closet".

My husband Brian and I have been trying to have a baby for a few years now. My cycles were really long and irregular, which I guess was the effect of the birth control I took when we were first married. Once my cycle semi-stabilized, we couldn't figure out what was going wrong month after month. Last spring we had Brian's semen analyzed, and that's where all our problems began. Apparently, Brian's sperm was so "challenged" that we were referred to a urologist to see if there were any physical or hormonal problems causing the sperm to be so challenged. After spending the summer doing numerous tests, ultrasounds, and quite a chunk of change, we were told that there was nothing really wrong. The only thing the urologist saw was a slightly low testosterone level, but giving Brian artificial testosterone to boost his levels would make his body stop producing it on its own. No natural testosterone means no sperm, and therefore no chance of a baby. So pretty much the urologist said there was no more he could do for us, and referred us to the University of Utah's Department of Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility.

We were crushed. I felt like all my dreams of a romantic, spontaneous conception and beautiful mini-me babies went out the window. While I realize this wasn't entirely true and I was being overly dramatic, it was still a major slap in the face. At the same time, I was preparing for and taking the bar exam (I graduated from law school in May 2007), and then beginning to work full time. We decided to give it a rest for while and just enjoy being with each other and trying some more on our own.

Finally, this spring, we felt ready to take the next step on our infertility journey. We made an appointment to see a reproductive endocrinologist and in the mean time began acupuncture treatments since we'd met couples who had inexplicable success with it. We saw our doctor in May, who seemed to give us some good news about Brian's sperm. While it's still not very good, the doctor was optimistic about our chances of conception with intrauterine insemination. However, he was concerned about my cycles, because although they were finally regular, they were long enough that he wondered if I wasn't ovulating every time. He instructed us to do ovulation predictor kits twice a day until we got a positive, and then we'd do an insemination the next day. After testing until day 27, the kit finally turned positive. We had our first IUI on May 31. They told us to wait 2 weeks, and if I didn't start my period, we could take a home pregnancy test. We didn't have to wait that long. At about 11 days past ovulation, I started my period--incidentally, about 30 minutes before we needed to leave to catch a flight to California for a planned vacation. Even though it was just our first try, I had such high hopes that it would work, so I was devastated.

For the next cycle, we decided to add Clomid. For those who don't know, Clomid is a fertility drug that super-stimulates your ovaries to produce and ovulate more than the typical one egg per cycle. We figured that our chances of success would improve if there were more eggs available for fertilization. So I took Clomid on days 3-7 of my cycle, and then I went in today (day 12) for an ultrasound to check egg follicle development. The doctor doing the ultrasound said I had 3 ripe, mature follicles and 2 smaller, less mature follicles. She wasn't really talkative, so I have no idea how this compares to others' experiences. Has anyone else ever done this before? I've heard of women having 5, 6, or even 8, so is 3 low? She did freak me out, though, because when she was looking at my left ovary she said she thought she saw some possible endometriosis. She was so matter-of-fact, and acted like it was no big deal. But at the same time she said the only way to be sure if it's endometriosis is to remove it by surgery. I tried to ask questions, but she pretty much cut me off and left. All in all, not the most pleasant experience, but my doctor's on vacation so I can't exactly call him up and have my questions answered. Does anyone know anything about this? Is endometriosis serious? Does everyone who has it need surgery? Has anyone ever had this surgery and is willing to talk about it?

I guess the final part of the Clomid process is an HcG injection. Has anyone ever done that before? Apparently I have to mix up this solution and have my husband inject it into my hip tomorrow night. I guess it forces your body to ovulate all the eggs you've produced. Then we're going in on Thursday morning for another insemination.

I guess my point in sharing all this, other than to introduce myself, is to relate my experiences and hopefully find someone who is or has gone through something similar. I feel like I have so many questions that I've never gotten realistic, honest answers for. It's one thing to have a doctor explain a procedure to you and possible effects, but I think it would be much more helpful and comforting to hear about someone else's real world experiences in less clinical terms. I'm happy to answer anyone's questions about what my husband and I are going through, and I hope that someone reads this and feels comforted by the fact that they're not alone. Infertility is the hardest, most painful, and most frustrating trial I've ever faced. It's completely unfair, and expensive, and really takes an incredible physical and emotional toll. However, I have faith that great blessings await those who endure these types of trials, awful as they are, and I hope that finding comfort through sisterhood and friendship eases the journey.

Sincerely,
Hillary