Omitted

Thanks for all the nice comments people left.  It's always great to meet others who have been through what you've gone through, but I left out one part of the story (because it was waaaay too long already) and that is that I've just recently been to see an RE up at the U who says my chances for getting pregnant are excellent if we do IUIs again.  Which has, unfortunately started the whole raging conflict over again (and is one reason for joining all you incredible women on this blog)!  We just went to ask about getting some blood tests done to see if there is a reason for my 2 failed pregnancies and instead of just coming out of the initial Dr appointment with a prescription for a bunch of blood tests (that I can't begin to pronounce, or spell), we walked out with hope.  And in so many ways that was more frustrating because I thought that all of this infertility stuff was behind me.  I felt like I'd somehow stepped back in time about 5 years, and it was, well, almost like drowning in bad memories.

So we did the tests and all but one came back negative, which the Dr's nurse said probably means that there are no blood disorders causing miscarriage.   At the sonohystogram appointment (to check for uterine abnormalities) he said I am borderline PCOS, and that if I wanted to do an HSG to check to see if my tubes are open (common problem with endo), I could schedule that at any time--which I haven't done.  Right now I just can't bring myself to even look at the possibility of going back through the ups and downs of clomid (or injectibles and all of the risks associated with that!) as well as starting to pee on those "period starter" sticks again (aka pregnancy tests).

Like I said, the memories are getting deeper and I'm not sure that I can wade my way out to even think clearly about the possibilities.