Thanks for letting me join. I have been married for 11 years in March and we don't have any children. We are hoping to adopt our first child through LDS Adoption services. I could use some advice on a couple of things:
1st one is how do I make sure not to get lost in the adoption process? We are now on our 4th caseworker and with this new beta site they are doing I can't get ours to work or anyone at the agency to feel urgent about helping me! I hope you all don't think I am just a complainer cause I really just need advice about how to get things done without having to be "tough" about it.
2nd thing is I have a sister who isn't married and is living with her 19 year old boyfriend. She just sprang on me last weekend that she is pregnant and they aren't planning on getting married till after the baby is born so she can get "Wick" (sp?) assistance. Now I know I should be a calm & supportive older sister but I can tell you that I am freaking out and not sure what to say. Any advice would be great. Thank you again.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Hi, I'm Addie's friend!
Posted by Victoria at 6:16 PM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
My husband and I felt the same way with our last adoption. We had gone through 4 or five caseworkers within just a few months. I felt like we had no one in our corner at the agency at all. But we were picked within 4 months. If there is a baby that is meant to be with your family it will come to you no matter how insensative your caseworker is. Heavenly Father knows where he wants his spirits.
As far as what you can do, I would just frequently check in with your caseworker and the webiste to make sure you are on it, they know who you are, they have a good sense of who you are even if you feel like you're bugging them. That's their job and what they are getting paid for! That way you can feel good that you are doing all you can.
When we got picked we didn't even know our new caseworker and she hadn't even bother to introduce herself to us, so don't get discouraged too much. There is a baby out there for you and it will find you!
The whole case worker thing is so hard, but all that really matters is that your profile is out there. I too am struggling with the new web site and wish they would just get it done already! The hardest part is having your future placed in someone elses hands and not having much control. Just pray for your baby to find its way to your home and for guidence in what you can be doing. For me that is the hardest part when you have done all you can do and now you just have to wait. It really makes me CRAZY. But Shannon is right your baby will find its way to your home no matter who your case worker is. I am hoping this new web site will help give us a little more control.
As for your situation with your sister, I can not imagine how hard this must be for you. I would feel so tworn between how I really felt and wanting to be there to help her. I think you just need to do what you can to get through it. I think sometimes we are too hard on ourselves and think we have to be happy for everyone and push our feelings aside to be there for them. I think in this situation you just need to survive!! Of coarse don't be mean and do try to be there for her when you can but don't think for one minute this shouldn't bother you or be difficult. Anyone who thinks other wise does not know what you have been through. I hope your family is understanding and sensitive to your feelings. If not let us be your support group, cause I think we all understand to some degree how hard this must be for you. Hang in there!
P.S. I think I remeber meeting you at Addi's son Braden's sealing? So glad to have you on the SOS!
If you are concerned about LDS Family's web-site and want to be more pro-active (and don't mind having to weed through a lot of potential heartache), I honestly would recommend looking into putting your profile up on one of the adoption web-sites. I know that LDS Family couples got a price-break from one of the companies about 3 years ago, but I can't remember which one. Yes, there are some major concerns, but you will also be casting a much wider net into the adoption pool. Overall, the only valuable piece of advice that I can give you (from my experience) is that you should simply follow the spirit.
As for the sister thing - I feel your pain. I have experienced my fair share of moments that make me want to just start telling someone how absolutely stupid they are...I usually don't, then just rant about it later on my blog. ;)
Good luck, and take your time with your sister. Sometimes a simmer down period helps you to understand your emotions and be able to talk about things more rationally later on.
Hope this helps and good luck with the adoption!
Thank you all so much, this really helps.
I work for LDSFS and we are frustrated about the website too! Yes, keep on your caseworker...if phone calls aren't working, email is usually faster. Also, parent profiles is a great website and I have seen a couple of our long-waiting couples match with birth parents through that. The other thing I recommend is letting all friend/family members/ward members/neighbors that you are ready and waiting to adopt! Send out a mass email, put it on your blog, tell everyone that always says they wish there is something that they can do that they can help get your name out. I am amazed at how many birth moms we get that know someone's whoever that knows you that will place. Plus, once the website is launced (: they will do a huge marketing ad to try and double the number of birth parents viewing you. LOTS OF LUCK. It is a rollercoaster just like the rest of this infertility. I do know that once these well-deserving couples finally get their child, it is all worth it...I am still waiting for that part!! Was this too long?
Since we haven't yet pursued adoption, I'm not sure I'd be much help about your caseworker. But I've always heard that the squeaky wheel gets the grease, so I wouldn't hesitate to speak up and make sure you're not forgotten. I've also heard that a good way to get noticed by birth moms, when you get to that point, is to put lots of effort into your profile and letter so that you really stand out. Good luck!
Ugh, I'm so sorry about your sister. Stuff like this makes me think "Really? SHE gets to be a mom? Really?!" Unfortunately, that probably wouldn't go over too well with her. If I were you, I think I'd want to vent and get all of my anger and negative feelings out before I saw her. At that point, I think it's important to be kind and supportive--but if asked, I'd probably give my opinion on her situation. Good luck!
Victoria,
It's been almost six years since we adopted our son through LDSFS and I know that things have changed quite dramatically since we put our papers in those many years ago. I agree with the rest of the gals as far as continual calls (borderline phone harassment) to your case worker. It can be extremely daunting to be in the adoption pool knowing that there are so many others also waiting. I remember feeling as though it was a rat race that I would rather not be a part of, yet the only way to have a child.
I do know that there is significant inspiration in the placement of these incredible children, so stay positive and hold on to as much faith as you can muster up (WAY easier to type than to actually practice).
As far as your sister. Argh!! (That's suppose to be the sound of frustration, not a pirate) I know how I would feel, and I'm certain it would take some time to absorb the news and come to terms with it.
Good luck with the waiting, we're all experts in that department, and keep us updated!
I am with some of the others. The our last adoption was in 2006 and I know they have changed "protocall" on that.
I would suggest letting the powers that be over at FSA know how you are feeling about the new beta site. Maybe they can put together a "mini" class on how to get your profile up and running!
As far as your sister, I think that time will do some amazing things in your relationship. The last thing she wants is to loose you! (Well, I would feel that way anywho:)
Post a Comment