Healthy BOUNDARIES

Today at lunch, I jumped on the emotional bandwagon today and got heated about appropriate boundaries. My intention is not to offend, so please forgive if i did, but to help me clarify for myself and maybe help others who has struggled with the issue of boundaries.

The difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship is setting and maintaining of clear boundaries and expectations. The most intriguing part to me is how in theory (or on paper) they are so clear and easy to see, however in reality much harder to understand and difficult to maintain.

In my life I have struggled with boundary issues. Where are the lines? Who is drawing them? What feels right? Do they need to adjust? Why are they continually challenged?? And so on ...

There are great lessons here for us to learn in pondering what our bondaries are ... whether it be in balancing our marriages, working with co-workers, fulfilling our callings, supporting our extended family, associating with birth mothers and most importantly in raising our kids. This is what I have learned (thus far ... i am sure there is more learning opportunities to come!!)

I CANNOT TAKE ON:
BLAME/RESPONSIBILITY for the life others create
GUILT for not being able to change things – they created it, they are the only ones who can change it
Someone else’s PAIN – the only person who can truly do this is the Savior
DRAMA – I can’t ride the roller coaster ride with others when I am on my own ride
CHANGE - I can't change something I didn't create


WHAT I CAN OFFER:
LOVE – true appreciation, gratitude and heart felt love for others
ENCOURAGEMENT – help others remember and find their strengths and truths in life
EMPATHY – my tender heart hopes to recognizes and be sensitive to others sorrows
SHARED EXPERIENCES – connecting about life’s journeys and lessons learned
HOPE - we can create better lives when we have faith (faith in our Savior creates hope, possibilities and purpose when they may not otherwise be any.)

Now if I could only remember these lessons learned when discipling my kids, I would not take on the guilt or responsibility of their bad choices. I am working on this and hope in a couple years I will be better at keeping my boundaries clear and fortified.

If you have any recommendations for creating or maintaining boundaries, please share. Or if you have created your own set of limits and offerings. I am interested in learning.

Lots of love - addie