Friday, March 20, 2009

The end of the beginning

So I'm hoping that I'm safe posting again after my hiatus (due to the fracas with people linking through my blog), because I need to share.

We went in two months ago to start up clomid and IUIs again, and at the 14 day point, the RE checked my lining and follicles and didn't like what he saw.  So we scrapped that cycle and decided to try a different drug, Femara.  Long story short, we did the Femara, I had one good follicle and we did an HCG trigger shot along with an IUI.

Today was the big pregnancy test day and so, naturally I spent all of yesterday worrying about it.  Can I just say how much I hate taking pregnancy tests?  Nothing, and I mean NOTHING can get me more worked up than having to go and buy these stupid pee sticks, only to worry about whether it's going to be positive or negative and then thinking about all the worries or the relief I'll feel about either result.  UGH!  I swear my head would just start spinning and fly right off my shoulders if it could!

So after having nightmares about positive results and negative results, I just dragged my butt out of bed and took the test.  And the result?

We are now officially $700 poorer with nothing but information to show for it.

*Sigh*

I know the success rate peaks out at six months of drug therapy + IUIs, but I'm not sure my head (or my heart) can take 5 more months of pre-test freak-outs.

3 comments:

Kendall and Katy said...

Oh, I am so sorry. I hear you on hating those stupid pregnancy tests! I am sending some prayers your direction because I know exactly how you feel. My thoughts are always " how much longer do I need to do this because I can't take it anymore!" Great big hugs!

Jon & Kim said...

Beck,

I am so sorry that you did not get a positive result. It is so hard to open your heart up to more dissapointment. I am proud of you and this shows that you are sronger than you think. We all can realate to how you feel in some way but that doesn't change how hard it is. I HATE taking test after test and never getting the result I want. Just try to remember that miracles happen every day and they can happen to you!!!! I have come to realize that even though our IVF did not work it has brought me closer to where I need to be to bring another child into our lives. Going back to fertility treatments is not an easy road because you have already experienced how much it can hurt. Don't give up, you can do this!!!! Just remember it will be worth it in the end!

Lots of Love,
Kim

Keri said...

Blah.

Sorry to hear it Beck. We haven't even re-visited fertility treatments again, even though the plan was to start last fall. Slightly behind.

It's your first month back, which I'm guessing is probably the most difficult (though I don't even begin to presume). The stats are suppose to improve up to the sixth month so hopefully you and DH will get some good news soon. Good luck.