People (meaning the non and sometimes adoption educated people out there) say, "They sure look like they could be brothers".
My responses, which are many, are anything from, "{gasp}...you don't say?" to "Well silly they are!!!" (the latter usually makes the asker quite embarrassed:). These two are brothers in every sense of the word! They are friends, they fight like cats and dogs, they wrestle, find new and unusual ways to drive their parents nuts, and attack us with hugs that would melt anyone's heart.
Although they are not biologically connected they have a deeper connection. An eternal one. Kneeling across the temple altar from these precious spirits will reconfirm that. It is undeniable! I often thought before adoption that I could not love a child that "wasn't mine". Boy did I have a lot of learning to do. One day, while we were in the waiting pool for Isaac (our oldest who we commonly call Ike) I remember looking over at my most gorgeous husband and my heart sank for a moment. "He has the most amazing (and dreamy:) blue eyes," I thought to myself, "My children will never have those eyes, or the naturally curly hair that I did as a child". I was saddened!
Fast forward a few years later, we are flying in a plane with Isaac on our lap, when the flight attendant leans over to Dan (my husband), and says teasingly, "You could never joke with anyone telling them he was adopted, he is so much like you!". Um...she had no clue. My husband says, "Well, actually he is". She was floored and apologized the rest of the flight.
So my point is (yep, there is one). It is my opinion that as these incredible children grow in our homes, in our lives, and basically in our shadows, that they do become us. Their mannerisms, their attitudes, even their thought processes. I am not saying that they didn't come wired with a biological package that gives them some of their quarks and traits, but they truly come to us as clean as a photo negative. Our homes, the way we live our lives become the camera (and those times of waiting, preparing, and learning are building a pretty great, "stable", consistent, functioning, camera). Then the photo shoot begins. Pictures and images of us, our family.
Today while my sister was visiting us, Isaac said something funny. I don't know what he said, but I could hear her in the other room saying, "I wonder where you heard that, you are just like your dad!"
And I said to myself, "Yep, he is!".
5 comments:
Amen to that Sista! (Sorry, Texas is growing on me in more places than just my waistline.) And may I mention just how handsome your two little guys are - such adorable smiles!
As an adoptive mother, I also agree that my son has learned mannerism and traits that both my husband and I possess. He also has some that are completely different, as is also the case with biological children. Each one is an individual, and as such, comes with his or her own set of talents, traits, and characteristics that are either inherited, learned, true gifts/talents from God, or simply a part of their individual personalities.
I think that a lot of couples that ponder the adoption decision are concerned with what you just wrote about - a child having their eyes, voice, smarts etc.
The truth is that I have seen biological children look and act completely different from their families, and in turn have seen adoptive children that bear such a striking resemblance to one or both parents.
My point is (I think I might actually have one here) that none of it really matters. Really. At the end of the day, it's about being a family unit and learning and growing together. No one cares if the kid on the left is tone-deaf, or the Mom to the right of him has red hair, but the youngest child is a brunette and she sings like a canary. Common biology doesn't guarantee the continuing of family traits just as having an adopted child doesn't mean that you won't see any of them flourishing within him or her.
Whether born of your womb, or adopted through love - it's the same in the end. Your child. Your Family. Really.
I love telling people that Kya and Kiera are sisters it draws the funniest looks from people. It's a riot!!!!!
I have never been sad that our girls don't look like Dan or myself, but I have noticed on many occasions that Kya (not so much Kiera yet because of her age) acts like, or sounds like, or does something just like us. I love it!!!!!! It reminds me that Kya and Kiera are little sponges that just soak up everything they see. When Kya tries to discipline Kiera it makes me laugh and I think wow is that what I sound like??? I love that Kiera tries to follow her sister every where and do what she does.
My biggest fear is not that they don't look like me or that they don't look like each other, but that I can teach them that that is OK and that they are sister's in every sense of the word and then some.
Isn't that so amazing how that happens. I have two Aunts and Uncles that have adopted 3 children each. All 3 look like their parents. You would have never guessed if you walked past them. My aunt had a blessing prior to adopting and in her blessing, she was promised that the children that came into their family would look like them and have the very same mannerisms. And they do. They look so much like their parents, it's amazing. To me it is just another testiment that we knew each other in the preexistance, and that those children picked my aunt and uncle to be their parents. Though they had to come a different route than others, they were still their children and they are an eternal family. Our Father in Heaven knows what he is doing, even though we might not understand it at the time.
Lovin' it! And they are!!! (well said Rebecca!)
lots of love - addie
Sweet boys Rebecca! You are awesome and it was so good to see you!
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