Dude Posts Like a Lady.......

Believe me, when Kim started this blog I never thought I would post to it even though I thought it was such an awesome idea. Well last night we had a visit from our EQ president Dan and he admitted to leaving comments on the SOS blog. For some reason I felt impressed that maybe I should leave a small portion of my testimony/experience on the SOS. Not sure why and I will keep it short so here goes.

Our first few years of marriage we did everything possible infertility wise to get pregnant excpet for invitro. Nothing worked and noone could tell us exactly what was wrong and why it wasn't working. As you all know it is such a rollercoaster with mostly downs, an up occasionally followed by a huge downer. I had sister-in-laws getting pregnant all the time and one was told after her first kid that it was medically impossible for her to get pregnant, well it seemed any time my brother looked at her she was pregnant and even though we were happy for them we really struggled to understand why they were always pregnant and we weren't. In the beginning I was very optimistic that we would get pregnant and the hardest thing for me was seeing Shannon struggle so much as it is always much harder both physically and emotionally for the woman as she is the one getting poked and prodded all the time.

After a couple of years though it all really began to wear me down. We had talked about adoption alot and my brother had adopted and we saw how happy they were and we knew how much we all loved our adopted neice but I could not let go of my pride. You see in my Patriarchal Blessing it states clear as day that "sons and daughters will be yours, you will be given stewardhip over them....." and so on and I could not get over that statement. I found my testimony beginnging to waiver some and I found myself feeling alot of resentment and anger. My pride of wanting Trent Jr. was getting in the way of my understanding and spirituality.

Finally in the summer of 03' we were attending the temple wedding of one of my friends in SLC. That afternoon as we were leaving SLC on the freeway after being in the temple and hearing the sealer talk about my friend and his wife having this wonderful family my mind was racing and all these emotions were running through my head. I kept thinking about my Patriarchal Blessing and what it said and really trying to come to terms with adopting. At that moment a thought entered my head as clear as if someone had been sitting in the car next to me that said:

"I said that you would have children but I never said how"!

I was dumbfounded. All my pride melted away at that instant and I looked at Shannon right then and said let's get our adoption papers in. Almost 9 months later we were picking up Parker at the hospital. I have no doubt in my mind that the adoption program is a direct revelation from Heavenly Father and that his hand is in each and every adoption. He knows us more than we know ourselves, he knows our struggles and he is ever aware of each and every one of us - especially you women. Having a daughter now I have no doubt that our Heavenly Father holds a very big soft spot for all you women.

One last thing before I leave. Just to add to what Shannon posted earlier. When I heard that our second invitro attempt was successful I wondered if I would feel any different about her as I do our boys. I got my answer literally the second she was born. I was standing there (borderline fainting) and when she came out I had this overwhelming feeling that my two boys were every bit my children and meant for me as she was. It was almost as if the whole birthing process was just another mode of transportation to get from one side of the veil to the other and it didn't really matter which way they got here as long as they just, well, got here. I don't want to take anything away from the miracle of child birth or pregnancy but I have such a strong testimony that each of our children came to us in the exact time, place, and way that Heavenly Father had planned for us and that it took me getting over my selfish pride, humbling myself and accepting God's will and understanding that he loves me more than I could possibly know and that if I will just get out of his way and let him - he will bless us.

Anyway this is probably my first and last post. I have such a deep respect for each of you. You are all so strong. Keep it up.

Trent Kingston