So, after much hope and anticipation, we found out late last night that our second IUI attempt failed. I had been excited because I made it further than I had on our first attempt, but the few pregnancy tests all were negative. So I wasn't really surprised to find out that it failed. Still, I'm feeling so low right now. Of course, this always seems to happen right before we're supposed to go on a trip with my husband's family. I know it's horrible of me, but I have such a hard time being around my husband's sisters and sister-in-law when I'm going through something like this. Although they mean well, they are all baby machines (they have to be very careful to AVOID pregnancy), and when they do get pregnant, they complain about it the entire 9 months. This weekend we're supposed to go to a cabin in Oakley with the whole family. Every woman there either has a nursing baby or is pregnant...except me.
My husband offered to just stay home, but I feel like it would be childish of me to back out at the last minute over this. But I don't know how fun I'd be to be around, given that I feel like crying every 5 minutes. I just couldn't feel lower right now, which worries me because if I feel this sad the second month into fertility treatments, how many more times will I be able to handle this? Furthermore, we have trips planned at the end of this month and for 10 days next month. If my calculations are correct, the times when we'd be doing more IUI's fall during those trips. I can't decide if we should cancel our trips to do these treatments, or if we should just take a break and enjoy our lives. Part of me thinks that it's silly to interrupt and rearrange our lives for something that has such a low success rate and probably won't work anyway. But another part of me wants to hope that it will work, and that I won't care even a little bit about a canceled trip if I got to be pregnant!
What do you all think?
Friday, July 11, 2008
Failure
Posted by Hillary at 11:30 AM
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10 comments:
Oh Hillary, I'm so sorry to hear that the IUI didn't work. Don't feel badly about wanting to stay at home in order to get through this tough time with just the two of you, there's nothing wrong with that, especially if you're going to have tough reminders everywhere you look while on your trip. I would love to fly back to Utah, give you a huge hug, and share a gallon of snickers ice cream with you. (I'll eat one on your behalf tonight.) Keep your chin up and don't give up. I know it's so difficult deciding what to do because we're never sure what may or may not end up working for us individually... IUI? IVF? Adoption? I've said it before, but they all come with their own set of obstacles and determining which of those paths to start down is no small undertaking. My thoughts and prayers are with you today that you guys will find peace and comfort, even amid the crummy hand you were dealt. (This is one of those days that I wish I could demand a 're-shuffle' on your behalf.)
Sorry ladies, posted my comment twice, so I deleted one, but somehow it remains. I'll stop typing now.
hi hillary. my name is addie. and i have two adopted children. previous to adopting we tried ivf 2xs both of which failed. it was davastating. and at the time i didn't feel very connected to my spirit. because of that, my advice would be to breath. create opportunities to reconnect to your spirit, in whatever ways work for you. slow down, listen and have courage - as you make decisions. we all make decisions without being able to see what will happen next. but if we choose faith over fear, we will always win! peace.
Okay I have tears in my eyes. Addie and Kerith you both are awsome. I don't know what more to add to these posts.....
I would also recomend staying home if you feel it would be too hard to go. I made myself go places and do things that I did NOT want to do in fear of looking weak. But in reality I was making myself misserable and wasn't taking time to let my heart heal after devstating news. I learned over time I needed to put myself first. Of course you want to support those around you and be happy for them but that does not mean you can't mourn your lose and let your heartache. If you can go and have a good time then go if not don't feel bad about staying home. Maybe go out with your hubby and get a Massage or something. I would also advise to be open and honest with your family. I was not and I realise that if I could have just opened up and told them "you know what we just found out we aren't pregnant and I really don't feel like going on the trip". Your family loves you and they will understand. The more you let them in the more they can try to understand how hard this is for you. There will always be a few who will never understand and may still say hurtfull things but for the most part they will want to be there for you. I too just want to give you a big HUG! Don't give up hope. We all have our time line of when we want things. I would always say okay by my next Birthday I will have a baby for sure. Don't just give up and do nothing but don't exaust your self either. Listen to your body and what it is telling you.....and most importantly your heart.
Lots of Love and Prayers your way.
Hillary, im so sorry!! I know exactly how you feel. I took a preg test a couple days a go and it was negative, i know that i have a few more days til i start but its hard to stare at a preg test and think, oh....maybe tomorrow! In regards to you not wanting to go on your trip, if you don't want go then you shouldn't! You need time to heal. Just keep your spirits up and don't quit living your life or eliminate the possibilities for memories with your husband, those are some of the only things that seem to get me through. But you know your body and you'll know when you've had enough. Hang in there hun. I agree about opening up to your family. Even though they know that you struggle with this, they don't UNDERSTAND the emotions and devastation. You will not be weak for whatever decision you make!! My prayers and love!!! Sher
My husband's family is full of "fertile-Myrtles" too, and it took a lot of coaxing for me to go to any family gatherings during the nine months that we tried IUIs. My only suggestion is to be careful about skipping out on too many family gatherings because it can start to affect your relationship with your hubby. I got very bitter and shut myself off, and even though my H was there to support me, it really weighed on him that I hated being around his family.
Sending good thoughts your way...
Hillary, sending lots of prayers and hugs your way. What a trooper you are! I cannot relate and truly know what you are going through as we did not go down the IVF, IUI..."anything medical for that matter road. But I will tell you I have had my share of disappointments, and being surrounded by "EVERYONE" who has children.
I agree with Addie, please share how you are feeling with your family, and if you don't feel comfortable send your hubby to do it before leaving to spend time with them. Chances are they will not understand what you are going through. So they may need some nudging.
As for persuing future IUI's this fall. Maybe that is something that would merit some fasting and a special trip to the temple.
lots of love!
I am so sorry that things did not work this go around. I l know nothing of the IVF or IUI road. They are not an option for my husband and I, so we have not had to face that part of the infertility highway. But I do know exactly what you are going through with family being able to have a baby when ever they want to. It is a terrible feeling being around that when you have just received bad news yourself. I like what everybody said about letting yourself hurt and to work this situation out with your Husband. Even if you tell your family they will never understand why you are hurting or where you are coming from, but hopefully they will be empathetic to your situation. When I finally said something to my sisters about their casual "everybody can get pregnant" attitudes and their constant complaining durning their pregnancies they felt bad and really tried hard not to complain any more. It actually has made it a bit easier for me.
I am completely aware of how you feel. I had the exact same things happen to me. I have very fertile sister and sister-in-laws. I had to flat out tell my sister to stop complaining about being pregnant. It was hard for me to say, but I am so glad I told her. I think she finally understands how it makes me feel. Also when my husband and I were doing our IUIs, our appointments always seemed to fall on out of town company's arrival and trips. My hubby and I had to decide which was more important. We stayed home some of the time, and it still failed, which was really hard. But we got through it. We used that time together to talk out our emotions and reminded each other why we were doing this.. It made us stronger and closer. It was the only way we survived. Good Luck with the next appointments and just remember to relax. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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